Bits of Chemistry | ✓

Kabanata 17

Kabanata 17

I wouldn't be this calm if my mother really died. Ang pinaniniwalaan kong katotohanan ay hindi pa isang kasiguraduhan. There's this possibility that my mother is somewhere out there, living a peaceful life without Ernesto and the constant watching of the Reverios.

Nakahiga ako ngayon sa aking kama. I buried my face on my pillow as I exhaled. I tried to remember the solid and vivid details of what transpired during that horrible day. Kung paano itinanggi ko si Etienne. How awful he must have felt when I told him how disgusting it is to be involved with someone who possibly abused him.

"Lavy," Etienne sobbed, slowly trying to enclose the remaining distance between the both of us. "I c-can explain. . . Pakinggan m-mo naman ako."

The whole class motionlessly watched our conversation as if we're puppets being shown infront of them for a show. Etienne bit his lower lip and the side of his eyes is slowly being colored in crimson. Halata na nagpipigil siya ng paghagulgol.

My heart froze at that sight. Agad ako'ng umiling. No! I won't feel pity for him! Lalo na't kakampi n'ya si Dayanara sa pagpatay sa mama ko! Parang laruan lang sa kanila ang buhay ng tao. They could easily dispose people as if they're not living beings!

My nails tightly dug to my palms. Pinipigilan ko ang sarili ko na masaktan siya. Alam ko na masakit na ito para sa kan'ya at hindi rin talaga dapat ginagawang pisikalan ang mga away na ganito. Yet, I feel so betrayed. Ni hindi ko nga magawang tumingin sa kan'ya nang matagal dahil sa nalaman ko.

He was the remaining source of my hope. At isa pa pala siya sa mga mangi-iwan sa akin. Isa pa pala siya sa may pakana. I even wanted to let Etienne meet my mother. Balak ko pa nga silang ipakilala sa isa't isa. Pero paano na 'yon?

"Di ka ba nandidiri sa sarili mo, Etienne?" I asked him, grimacing in the process. Winaksi ko ang kamay n'yang papalapit sa akin.

He recoiled like a child being scolded by his parents. Pain crossed his eyes as the words slipped out of my mouth.

"I'm s-sorry. . ." His voice croaked and he bowed his head, avoiding my fiery gaze. "L-lavy, I'm sorry."

Namumuo ang mga luha sa kan'yang mga mata.

"Huwag mo ako'ng matawag-tawag na Lavy!" I screamed at him, my throat hurting because of the sudden high-pitched voice that came out from my mouth. "Sino ka para tawagin ako nang gano'n?!"

"Akala ko mag-kaibigan ang dalawang 'yan?"

"I even assumed that they're dating!"

"Nakakadiri naman kasi talaga."

Pahapyaw na pasaring ng mga kaklase namin. Napatili sila nang itumba ko ang mga upuan na nasa paligid ko. My heart was slamming against my ribs because of anger. I wanted to knock the chairs out, I wanted to vent my anger to the immobile things and I wanted them to know much I was hurting that Etienne was going through this for what?! Para matulungan siya nitong masaktan ang mama ko?!

"Lavy, p'wede bang mag-usap muna tayo?" He sobbed. "Please? You're hurting your hands. . ."

Napatingin ako sa aking mga kamay. He noticed that my hands were turning red because of the force that I was trying to put on the chairs. Namamaga na ang mga ito. I clenched it to subdue the color. Mas mahalaga pa talaga ang kamay ko kaysa sa mismong sitwasyon n'ya ngayon?! I scoffed and my eyes darted at him. Akala ba n'ya ay madadaan ako sa awa? Hindi nga siya naawa sa mama ko na nananahimik lang!

I thought he was my friend. He was the only friend that I had. Hindi ko na rin tuloy mapigilan ang umiyak dahil sa dalamhating nararamdaman ngayon. Does he already know? Gumaganti ba siya sa akin dahil hindi ako si Solstice? Hindi ko naman ginustong maging si Solstice! I just wanted to escape that damned life. Kahit nga simpling pamumuhay ay papatusin ko dahil ang gusto ko lang naman ay makawala sa hirap at kay Ernesto.