Amnesia - Finding a Devils Memory (Attack on Titan x Reader)

Chapter 16

You stand in a long green coat with a winged emblem over your heart. It resembles the one Reiner found you in a couple years back. The rain drizzles down your face as you look down at her grave. You can not bring yourself to cry. Not now at least. You figure that once you could remember the rest of your life, you would experience what Hange calls a 'mental collapse'.

There is a Marleyan boy here with curly blond hair, he is laying flowers in front of her grave. He is not really a boy, he seemed a little older than you, or maybe the same age. It is hard to tell as his face is contorted with pain and sadness. He is mumbling something, however no matter how hard you tried, his words are swallowed by his sobs making his words disappear.

Sasha's family are here. They comfort the boy, bringing him close, forgiving his peoples crimes. He is thankful, so thankful that he invites the relatives to his restaurant for a cooked meal. He wants to connect with the grieving family. 

Is this how relations are meant o be?

You want to find connections like that. There are many willing people to help, but in a way you did not want to help yourself. Not willingly. Your subconscious is preventing you from finding your memory and making connections.

Without realising you find yourself reminiscing  in the couple years you were in Marley. According to Armin you were arrived there on the third ship. The two first  ships are still at the Paradis docks. In a way you miss them. You miss Pieck dragging you about and you miss Porco, it was only a couple of days ago that you had only just started calling him by his first name. You also never got the chance to apologise to Udo and Zofia's families for not being able to protect them well enough. And now you have no clue where Gabi and Flaco are... they are only children, children who are being groomed into fighting in this pointless war.

'You're thinking about them.' Connie stands beside you wearing the same long coat.

'Sorry, I shouldn't.' you cannot look him in the eye. Hange and Armin had told you a lot about everyone's relationships and now knowing how close Connie and Sasha were you feel guilty worrying about Gabi, her killer.

'No, I understand. All this time we thought you were with Eren, when in truth you were working with the warriors.' he is walking on eggshells around you.

'Sorry...' unable to say anything else, you find yourself apologising once more. You had not known Connie for a long time, but you know this is out of character.

'You don't need to apologise Y/N, none of this is your fault,' he wraps an arm around your shoulder, 'and now you're trapped in this impossible situation.' he laughs sadistically. Jean notices your shoulders tense as Connie makes you feel uncomfortable.

'Hey Connie,' Jean says, 'why don't you go home and get some rest. I'll finish your work off for the rest of the day.' Connie sadly smiles at his friends offer.

'Thanks pal...'

'No worries,' Jean pats Connie on the back as he sends him off, 'Don't mind him, he's just tired.'

'I figured,' there is a slight pause, 'I'm sorry about Sasha.'

'I'm sorry as well. You two were close.'

Even though you were told about your relationships with everyone, it did not make a difference as you could not remember.

Jean and you begin to dawdle back to a Scouts base, as you are walking you ask, 'I probably shouldn't be asking you this, but can I see Gabi and Falco?'

'Eh?...The two kids,' he stops walking and you turn to face him, giving a slight nod, 'Y/N you don't need to ask permission to see them.'

'What?' you tilt your head in confusion.