I'm On Your Side

9 | So now I have to believe in him

YUP. I CALLED it: something's definitely up (why do I always have to be right for the bad things). Or was, considering it happened two days ago—that's how long it took me to process what happened.

Actually, not really.

It's mostly Mason not contacting me for two days that's got my head in a spiral. My mom told me not to worry about it—I don't know why I even asked her, I should learn from my mistakes, but I guess I needed to tell someone about it and I have no friends, so I confessed to her—and I guess I could agree because what I really need to focus on is the stupid, fuckin' SAT (according to her at least).

Which, actually, is exactly what my mom brought up not even two seconds after I sat down for biryani. That really ruined my mood—that lady always ruins everything good—because I didn't even feel hungry to eat after her "lecture". I was really looking forward to that biryani too.

Now I know why the Universe let me have a bond with Mason: so that I can suffer.

Thanks, Universe.

But, honestly, I don't know why Mason hasn't contacted me in two days. Did my mom privately contact him and tell him to stop hanging out with me or something? It doesn't seem possible. I mean, she doesn't have his phone number. But as I sit there, pondering over that thought, it seems to make sense. I mean, that lady is capable of anything and she did tell me to "dedicate" (that's a big word for something so small) the next two days to the SAT.

It's not fair.

I've spent more than a month studying for this SAT shit yet this woman still thinks I need to go all out for the last two days leading up to the SAT. Why can't I have fun with my life? And, then, suddenly, I think of Mason and feel outraged. Because while I'm here sulking in my pain and (over) thinking why Mason hasn't contacted me for two days (over two days now, actually), he's probably having the time of his life with his actual friends.

I snort―and he told me we were friends. Suddenly, it makes sense: Mason realized how better off he was without me in his life and left the minute he got the chance.

It was bound to happen, Isha, I tell myself. He probably already quit that fucking therapy group.

This is what you get for spending too much time with someone, the voice inside my head scolds me. You get too attached and―

Yeah, I know, I think to myself, irritated at the fact that I've even given myself the opportunity to have this lecture. I should know by now how toxic people are and how spending too much time with someone is bad.

But you don't, the voice inside my head says and before I can respond, it adds, let's hope you can learn from this friendship.

I nod my head. "Yeah, let's hope," I murmur as I click on the English Zoom call link.

It takes longer than when my mom pounced on me about the SAT for me to be accepted from the waiting room into the Zoom call, but I'm not surprised―that's technology for you... and how slow teachers are.

The whole time, though, I can't help but think about Mason and how he's in this class and how there's a possible chance that we'll―Isha, snap out of it. This friend―whatever this is―is done, I remind myself.

I nod my head. Yeah, okay.

Let's focus on this, the voice in my head suggests, turning to the Zoom call.

Focus on what? I think to myself, gazing at the Zoom call full of incoming users. There's nothing fun to do in English, so what am I even looking forward to in English class today?