I'm On Your Side

10 | The conversation I never thought I needed

a/n: this cover's photo has something to do with the last chapter of this book (foreshadowing something spectacular!).

IF I HAD thought we were going to game as soon as we arrived at Mason's house, I was mistaken because as soon as we entered into Mason's house, my mom―speak of the devil―called me and lectured me for a good five minutes before telling me to "come back home and study for the fuckin' SAT (she didn't include fuckin, I did)."

I had to stare at the car dashboard for a second, holding back the tears of embarrassment and, now that I'm thinking of it, resentment before I looked at Mason―well, not, really, I sort of just continued staring at the dashboard―and told him that I had to go home.

He was pretty chill about it, probably 'cause there's nothing he could've really done to change the mind of my stubborn minded bitch of a mother. I'm sorry, I'm just really mad at her because if it weren't for her, I'd probably be in a better state of mind right now and not in the verge of tears, waiting in line to get my stupid fuckin' I.D. verified.

It'd been easier to have a driver's license and gotten that verified instead, my mom (that stupid bi―okay, let's take a couple breaths) told me and I'm now realizing as I gaze at a couple of kids who have their driver's license in their hands. But since I failed the driver's written test and took it again only recently, I will not be getting my driver's license anytime soon.

So, instead, I have my school I.D., which I directly give to the lady who's checking for verification as soon as the person in front of me has left. She gazes at me and then the I.D. as I suppress an eye roll. "I need the SAT paper I.D. verification as well," she says.

"Oh," and I scramble for my purple folder in my handstring bag. How could I forget about it? You know what, whatever, I don't care, I respond, unbothered. I'm really done with this shit and I can't wait until I go home and get to unravel and do―

Actually, I don't know what I'll do when I get home. Probably sleep. Maybe even write? Oh, but who am I kidding? When's the last time I wrote? A year ago?! Why would I suddenly write now?

Maybe you could read your stories, the voice inside my head suggests. That might give you inspiration to write or―

Yeah, I'm good. I'll just watch some shit, I think.

At least just read your stories, the voice insists as the lady tells me the room number I have to take the SAT in. "Okay, thanks," I say and then I zone into my head. Now what were you saying?

Oh, so, now, you want to hear what I said? The voice inside my head asks and I roll my eyes.

No, I just don't have anything else to do, I confess, and I'm bored.

Yeah, you already said that―redundancy, the voice points out and I roll my eyes. This SAT shit is really messing with my head. Just relax, the voice says.

I'm fine. I'm already relaxed. What made you think I'm not?

Uh, maybe the need to prove you're relaxed.

Yeah, well, I am, I snap as I open the door to the room I'm assigned in. Only five kids, I note, I'm not surprised. Last time it was eight kids. I guess, the amount of people giving up has increased.

Or maybe they already got the scores they wanted, the voice suggests.

Shut up. I'm trying to make myself feel better.

Yeah, well―

Shut up.

I was going to say you can try better than that, the voice says and I find myself surprised because I thought it was going to continue insulting me, but maybe you can't.