I'm On Your Side

17 | The mistake of all mistakes

I'M STILL NOT convinced that Natalie doesn't have friends. She probably can't meet with them because her "friends" (I hate using that word) are in a different grade, so she can't meet with them because they're not in the same classes as her.

But she can meet me.

I get a ping from my headphones and I make this confused―and annoyed―look for a long time because I can't identify the sound, but when I do, I'm even more annoyed. In fact, I'm enraged. What the fuck does Natalie want from me? Is she using me or something?

Come to think of it, I forgot about her after yesterday. I just brushed it off―I'm pretty surprised and proud of myself. I never forget things. Okay, I still haven't. But I haven't thought about it.

Seems like Natalie has.

She keeps on pinging me and eventually I type into Google Hangouts:

Shouldn't you be in class?

She types in these ridiculous lowercase letters. God. I hate bad grammar.

yeah, but we're just watching a movie

I raise my eyebrows. I find that hard to believe. But the pre-calc teacher did mention watching Moana next class. Although, I don't believe that. I mean, c'mon: it's math, you do math stuff, not watching movies. That's for like... actually, I don't know what class it's for.

Fin lit? I laugh. I finished all the assignments in that class yet the teacher still requires people to attend the class. Stupid class and stupid teacher. At least I'll be able to relax on my bed while taking that class. Except for the in-person classes.

Shit. Well, back to my pessimistic mood. I ignore Natalie's text and go back to boring fin lit.

it's moana

god, i've watched that movie so many times. wbu?

I admit I do widen my eyes a little in shock. Moana is that popular?

I'm watching that movie in math class.

oh. what math class?

I scrunch my eyebrows. Why does she want to know so badly?

Pre-calc

I hesitate on asking her for her math class. I don't care about what math class she's in.

i'm in algebra 2. is it easy?

Idk. There are concepts that are hard. Why?

i'm gonna b taking it next year so i j wanna know

I groan. Her abbreviations are sickening me, so I make an excuse that I have class, which I do, as a matter of fact: pre-calc. And at least I know we'll be doing something, but when I enter the Zoom call, the teacher has Netflix on her screen.

So I spend the next fifteen minutes watching Moana and when I can't take it anymore, I'm the one starting a conversation with Natalie. And for some reason, she's watching another movie in her second class.

✤✤✤

I FIND IT funny how in the past five minutes I've forgotten all about my life and the fact that I'm in school. In fact, I'm not even aware we're in English class until Natalie texts why aren't you in the Zoom call?

"Oh. Shit," I mutter. I'm getting there.

It's loading for me.

And then I stop to analyze what I just wrote. "Oh my―" I realize. What the fuck is happening to me?

okay

yeah, i see u now

I delete the group chat tab and cover my hands with my face. I feel like I shouldn't continue on with this friendship or whatever. It's all BS. I mean, I know that she'll leave me.

She will, I swear.

I turn on my camera and Natalie's face lights up as soon as she sees me. She mouths something to me, which I can barely read, so I ignore her until she volunteers to answer a question and adds,

"Isha, did you get my text?"

My eyebrows wrinkle and I quickly jump back to the Zoom call from writing. "Uh, I don't―I didn't check." I curse myself for not fessing up to the truth: that I closed the tab.

"Oh. Well, if you don't mind checking..." And she mutes her mic. I don't really care that she called me out in class. In fact, I'd honestly do the same―going off track. But it's the clingy part that I'm afraid. That if I latch onto her too, then I'll be the one who latches off last.

So I try my best to focus on class and then homework for the rest of the day... until one in the morning when I've run out of things to do.