I'm Always Fine. - Tommyinnit angst

~Chapter 3~

TW: PANIC ATTACK, SELF HARM

~Tommy's POV~

"TOMMY! COME HERE PLEASE!" My mother's shouted, waking me up from one of the longest rests I've taken in a while. 

"What is it, mom?" I questioned, walking down the beige, carpeted stairs.

"Your friend texted me. Wilbur, was it?" She stated, pouring what looked like pancake batter into a pan. The smell alone was making my mouth water and stomach grumble. The lack of food I've been eating was finally showing.

"What for?" I asked, the pit from the night before began to grow.

"Something about a trip, he was worried I wouldn't let you go. I was confused, considering you haven't mentioned this "trip" to me at all." She stated, turning to me. "So? What's this all about?"

"Oh, right. I was actually just informed about it last night," I began. "it's a trip Dream is planning as a 25 million subscriber thing."

"Are you alright? You don't seem that excited about it." She asked, worry written all over her face.

Shit. "I'm always alright! Just a little tired is all, I'm really excited!" I exclaimed, giving her a bright smile.

She smiled back at me, the worry she once had now gone. "Alright dear, make sure you start thinking about what you want to bring. Oh, and remember to tell me the dates and times." She concluded, turning her attention back towards breakfast.

TW: PANIC ATTACK

"Okay mom," I said, the panic in my chest causing my voice to falter. Now what? There's no way to get out of this now. I have to go on the trip. 

The realization made the panic grow, causing my breathing to be uneven and my eyes to water. I quickly stumbled up the stairs and headed straight for my bathroom. 

I sank to the floor, holding my head in my hands and attempting to calm myself down. I counted softly to myself, squeezing my eyes shut as if I was trying to stop the burning tears.

"1... 2... 3... 4..." I muttered, rocking back in forth. I must have looked insane. I am insane. What normal person does this? Why am I like this? Why can't everything just stop? I don't want to live like this anymore, goddammit! 

My fist hit the wall in my second of rage, regret flooding my body as I assessed the damage. The wall now had a large dent, flecks of my blood now decorated the plain white wallpaper. I looked at my hand, suddenly feeling intense pain. My knuckles were dripping in blood, my skin a pinkish color, and the scrape covered in dirt and dust. How do I fix this?

I attempted to get up, but my shaking legs caused me to fall back down. I gripped onto the counter for support, slowly pulling myself up. I looked around to see what I could use to hide the hole, noticing the laundry bin. I stumbled over and pushed it in front of the hole. 

TW over :)

'I suppose that'll do for now.' I thought to myself, sitting down on the floor again to catch my breath. The panic was gone, leaving me feeling dismal. I quickly realized I needed to patch my hand up and grabbed some bandages from under the sink. I wrapped my hand slowly, careful to not hurt myself anymore than I already was.

I stumbled back into my bedroom to cry and distract myself from everything happening. I booted up my PC and immediately opened Discord hoping that someone, anyone, was online and willing to talk. I need a distraction.