I'm Always Fine. - Tommyinnit angst

~Chapter 9~

TW: PANIC ATTACK, SELF-HARM

~Tommy's POV~

We arrived at the airport, bags in hand. We had to wait for Jack, Niki, and George because they were a lot farther away from the airport than we were. The airport was a lot more crowded than I thought it would be...

"Do you guys wanna go get snacks?" Phil asked, sitting down on a bench.

"Yes!" Tubbo cheered.

"I'll take Tubbo and Tommy, see if you can get ahold of Jack." Wilbur said, setting his luggage on the floor next to Phil.

Phil only nodded, pulling out his phone.

Wilbur, Tubbo, and I walked into one of the shops. Each aisle was filled with crips, candy, and other snacks. T-shirts, cups, and other city merchandise were on a large display in the middle of the store on a large, white table.

I walked up to the display and picked up a red hoodie, Brighton was spelled in bold white letters across the front.

This would be perfect for cutting. No one would see the blood if it seeped through.

I shook the thought away. I don't think like that anymore. I'm happy now. At least, I was this morning. What happened to that feeling? Why am I just now realizing it's gone?

TW: PANIC ATTACK, SELF-HARM

My heart began to pound and my breathing became uneven. A panic attack. Without thinking, I grab a disposable pack of shaving razors and walk up to the counter to pay. As soon as I was done, I bolted for the nearest bathroom.

WHY NOW?

It was all I could think. Why now? I thought I was getting better? I thought I was happy again...

I stumbled into a stall and sat on the toilet lid, my shaking hands holding the razors. It was like I wasn't in control of my own body. As I struggled to breathe, I broke open the plastic packaging and took out a razor.

Before I could stop myself, I dragged the bladed end across my forearm. Blood beaded at the cut and I did it again. And again. And again.

I wasn't thinking. I couldn't think. All I wanted was for the panic to end. All I wanted was to breathe.

I kept cutting. My shaky hands cut deep into my arms, the red blood painting my pale white skin. Why isn't this working? Why is this still happening?

The door to the bathroom opened and I quickly put a hand over my mouth. I used my hoodie to keep the blood from my arm from dripping onto the floor.

TW over :)

"Hey, Tommy? You in here?" Wilbur called out, walking along the stall doors.

I pulled my feet up to my chest as he got closer, praying he wouldn't see or hear me.

"Tommy?" He spoke, his voice bouncing off of the concrete walls.

Go away, please just go away! I thought, desperately pleading with the universe.

I heard Wil sigh and walk back towards the door.

I let my feet fall back to the floor and released a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Tears were still sliding down my face and the blood on my arms was starting to dry. I peeled my hoodie off of the cuts, wincing.

"I knew you were in here!" Wilbur yelled, walking towards my stall door.

Shit. He never left the bathroom.

"Go away, Wil!" I muttered, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

"Why'd you run off? And why were you hiding from me?" Wilbur asked, his shoes peaking in from under the stall door.

"None of your business." I snapped. I threw pack of razors into the bin and covered them with toilet paper.

As I was attempting to wipe away the constantly falling tears, I noticed something at the top of the stall door.

"Wil, what the fuck?!" I shrieked.

"Are you alright?" He quietly asked.

"How could I be alright when you're peeking over my fuckin' door? What if I was taking a shit?" I barked, opening the stall door to force him away.

"Tommy, why are you crying?"

"Why were you looking over the FUCKING DOOR?"

He stood silent for a moment. His eyes looked at me sympathetically.

"Is it because of Tubbo?"

"Uh... sure. Yeah, it is." I muttered. Stupid teenage drama would be better than the real reason I was crying. Why even was I crying? Because I wasn't happy? How childish of me...

My thoughts were interrupted by Wilbur hugging me. I stood still, shocked. I haven't had a hug in a long time.

The sudden act caused my composure to break and I sobbed into his shoulder. I felt immature and weak doing it, but I couldn't help it.

"Shh, it's alright, mate." He muttered, patting my back. "It'll be okay."

His encouraging words only caused me to cry harder, my tears infusing with his soft, wool sweater.

"I-I'm sorry..." I stuttered after a while, pulling away from Wilbur.

"No need to be sorry, Toms. Everyone needs a good cry sometimes." He sniffed, wiping away his own tears.

I sat on the counter, twiddling my fingers. I hate awkward situations like this.

"Did you buy some snacks?" He asked.

I shook my head.

"Come on then, we still have some time." He nodded his head towards the door and smiled.

I smiled back, getting up and following him back to the shop.

Tubbo greeted us, candy bars and crisps in his arms.

"Do you really need all of that?" Wilbur chuckled, handing him a basket.

"Of course! It's gonna be a long flight." He huffed.

"We've got about 20 minutes until everyone else gets here and about 40 before the plane takes off." Wilbur informed us, taking out his phone and checking the time once more.

I awkwardly stood next to Wilbur while Tubbo walked off to go get more food.

"Aren't you gonna get anything?" Wilbur asked, turning to me.

I shrugged. "I dunno. They have food on the plane, yeah?"

"It not any good, trust me." He grinned. "Go ahead and get some stuff, I'll be here if you need me."

I nodded and walked off to go pick out some snacks. As I wandered, I noticed the hoodie from before. I bit the inside of my lip before picking it up and putting it in my basket.

I guess I'm gonna need it after all.

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Hey readers! Super excited to get these next few chapters out! I also just wanted to thank you for 600 reads!! It really means a lot that people are actually reading my story, so thank you!

Thanks for reading! <3

~1065 words~