Mentally Able

Chapter 16

I needed to be alone. Everywhere I went, people were saying it was going to be ok. Saying things were going to be fixed. Yeah, I was happy that we had no deaths. In fact, I was extremely happy that nobody died. But that didn't change one thing: Most of the " encouraging " things people were saying, were lies. Everything was not going to be alright. Nothing would ever be the same again. Physically, sure, maybe it would be the same sometime. But mentally, we all were injured in some way that night. It's never going back to ok. Not until the war was over. And I had no way to escape it. So I decided, can't escape it, hide from it instead. I know, I know, that sounded really cowardly, but really, I now realize it was a smart decision, choosing to be alone for a short while before hearing the " everything is ok now" again. It would've driven me literally crazy to hear that as I told myself that nothing was ok. So I went to the room that only I was allowed in. The room of Generals. Yeah yeah, I know, so creative right? Hey, I didn't create the name. Anyway, I was the only person in Terragentem that could be in this room. There is a room of Generals in every sector Base that has ever had a General of some sort. This room was made in every sector to honor the spirit of the past Generals of the sector. Whenever I walked into this room, ( which was not often at all, this had only been my third time going in this room ) I felt some special connection. Like I knew these Generals in all the pictures on the walls. It gave me a new sort of security, as though they would tell me what to do and how to be a good general. Underneath each picture, there was a note written from each General, about them and whatever they had felt like writing to the Generals of the future. As I read through these notes left for me by other Generals, it made me really think. My picture had been recently hung in this wall, and my note to the future Generals had not yet been complete. I was still in the process of writing it. The pictures of the Generals are taken at their ceremony, but since I immediately became General, my picture was from the Versatile Initiation. There were so many pictures all over the walls of the large room, who knew how many generations of Generals were represented here. Probably as many as there was since Versatile was made. Then I glanced at the wall again. I had never given the pictures much of a glance before, because they kind of looked like they were staring at you, so it's a little intimidating, even if they all are pictures of teens who were Generals just like yourself. Then I noticed the picture next to mine. It was Ace. His picture, unlike the majority of the pictures on the wall, showed him laughing and looking off to the side. Probably laughing with his friends. He looked a lot like the way he did when I last saw him. Dark brown, almost black, shaggy hair that flew out in all directions, and jade green eyes that seemed to have a spark of humor in them no matter what.
What would Ace do in this situation? I asked myself Because I have no clue what I'm supposed to do. I just became General like what? Three, four months ago? I have hardly any experience, and now I'm expected to lead an entire sector into battle? Sure, Versatile is the smallest sector, and sure, we only have a little under 30 people. But those are 30 valuable lives. Ugh. How did Ace ever deal with things like this?
I argued with myself in my head a little while longer, while leaning back in the single chair in the middle of the room. Looking at Ace's picture, hoping that it would somehow give me answers. How could someone look that carefree when their past was as rough as his? And no doubt that there was some type of trouble going on whenever this picture was taken. Then, something spoke in my head.
Let go of it. It will figure itself out. Live life to the fullest Nick, and enjoy what time you have. The problem will solve itself. You have already done what you can. Just be there for your troops, and do whatever is needed of you. A General is there for their troops, but they don't have to do it alone.
I looked back at the picture of Ace again. He looked... Well, how a normal, unstressed teen should look. Happy, having fun, just enjoying time with a friend. He let go of his past, so that he could face the future. Just as I needed to do. When I finally walked out of the room of Generals, I felt content and relaxed. I talked to my brother. Like a normal twin would. I laughed with Spencer, and acted as though the battle hadn't had an effect on me. Sure, it had an effect. But I had let go of it. I had taken hold of the future, and wasn't letting go.
I needed to be alone. Everywhere I went, people were saying it was going to be ok. Saying things were going to be fixed. Yeah, I was happy that we had no deaths. In fact, I was extremely happy that nobody died. But that didn't change one thing: Most of the " encouraging " things people were saying, were lies. Everything was not going to be alright. Nothing would ever be the same again. Physically, sure, maybe it would be the same sometime. But mentally, we all were injured in some way that night. It's never going back to ok. Not until the war was over. And I had no way to escape it. So I decided, can't escape it, hide from it instead. I know, I know, that sounded really cowardly, but really, I now realize it was a smart decision, choosing to be alone for a short while before hearing the " everything is ok now" again. It would've driven me literally crazy to hear that as I told myself that nothing was ok. So I went to the room that only I was allowed in. The room of Generals. Yeah yeah, I know, so creative right? Hey, I didn't create the name. Anyway, I was the only person in Terragentem that could be in this room. There is a room of Generals in every sector Base that has ever had a General of some sort. This room was made in every sector to honor the spirit of the past Generals of the sector. Whenever I walked into this room, ( which was not often at all, this had only been my third time going in this room ) I felt some special connection. Like I knew these Generals in all the pictures on the walls. It gave me a new sort of security, as though they would tell me what to do and how to be a good general. Underneath each picture, there was a note written from each General, about them and whatever they had felt like writing to the Generals of the future. As I read through these notes left for me by other Generals, it made me really think. My picture had been recently hung in this wall, and my note to the future Generals had not yet been complete. I was still in the process of writing it. The pictures of the Generals are taken at their ceremony, but since I immediately became General, my picture was from the Versatile Initiation. There were so many pictures all over the walls of the large room, who knew how many generations of Generals were represented here. Probably as many as there was since Versatile was made. Then I glanced at the wall again. I had never given the pictures much of a glance before, because they kind of looked like they were staring at you, so it's a little intimidating, even if they all are pictures of teens who were Generals just like yourself. Then I noticed the picture next to mine. It was Ace. His picture, unlike the majority of the pictures on the wall, showed him laughing and looking off to the side. Probably laughing with his friends. He looked a lot like the way he did when I last saw him. Dark brown, almost black, shaggy hair that flew out in all directions, and jade green eyes that seemed to have a spark of humor in them no matter what.
What would Ace do in this situation? I asked myself Because I have no clue what I'm supposed to do. I just became General like what? Three, four months ago? I have hardly any experience, and now I'm expected to lead an entire sector into battle? Sure, Versatile is the smallest sector, and sure, we only have a little under 30 people. But those are 30 valuable lives. Ugh. How did Ace ever deal with things like this?
I argued with myself in my head a little while longer, while leaning back in the single chair in the middle of the room. Looking at Ace's picture, hoping that it would somehow give me answers. How could someone look that carefree when their past was as rough as his? And no doubt that there was some type of trouble going on whenever this picture was taken. Then, something spoke in my head.
Let go of it. It will figure itself out. Live life to the fullest Nick, and enjoy what time you have. The problem will solve itself. You have already done what you can. Just be there for your troops, and do whatever is needed of you. A General is there for their troops, but they don't have to do it alone.
I looked back at the picture of Ace again. He looked... Well, how a normal, unstressed teen should look. Happy, having fun, just enjoying time with a friend. He let go of his past, so that he could face the future. Just as I needed to do. When I finally walked out of the room of Generals, I felt content and relaxed. I talked to my brother. Like a normal twin would. I laughed with Spencer, and acted as though the battle hadn't had an effect on me. Sure, it had an effect. But I had let go of it. I had taken hold of the future, and wasn't letting go.