Protecting Olivia

CHAPTER EIGHT

LIVY

After leaving the beach, I drove around for a while, trying to get my emotions under control before I had to pick up Matthew from his friend's place. I did my best to push everything down, determined not to cry in front of Matthew. He doesn't need to know that his father is here, or doesn't care about him at all.

I'd always been honest with Matthew in regards to his father. I'd told him we were together straight out of high school, and that he had left town before I could tell him about him. I'd told him how I had looked for him to let him know, but that I couldn't locate him. Which is the truth. Despite my realisation that Ethan had played me, I did everything I could to find him in the months leading up to Matthew's birth. Over the years I'd looked into him periodically, but never got anywhere. I remember reaching out to some of the people he associated with in high school, but none of them knew his location or that of his parents. It seems Ethan never let anyone in, and despite being friendly with everyone, he wasn't close to anyone.

I never told Matthew that Ethan had played me, that he used me for whatever reason and left me without a second thought, I don't know that I ever will. And I most definitely won't tell him that his father doesn't care about him.

Once my emotions are in check enough, I collect Matthew from his friends' house and drive home. Matthew is exhausted by the time I pick him up, though he wasn't there for very long, with a full week of school, the birthday party yesterday and playing with his friend today, it has taken a toll on him.

As soon as we get home, Matthew disappears into his room to take a nap. As soon as his door shuts, I break down, unable to hold it all in any longer. Tears stream down my face as I enter my own room so that Matthew doesn't hear or see me. I collapse face down on my bed as a sob escapes my lips, muffled by the pillow under me.

Seeing Ethan again was so hard, sitting next to him in that deserted little cove, I was taken back to when we were together. I wanted nothing more than for him to wrap me in his arms and tell me I had it all wrong, that there was another explanation for his disappearance. But he didn't, instead he confirmed what I always thought.

I didn't realise that I was holding on to some type of hope all these years, not until that hope was completely shattered by his nonchalance. I hate that my heart beat faster when I saw him, that when he spoke to me my stomach flipped, that I wanted to stay in his presence despite my breaking heart. How can someone totally destroy you and fix you at the same time?

I hate that he couldn't help our son. I hate that he didn't even ask about him, or even what his name was. I hate that he would barely look at me, and I hate that I wanted so much for him to look at me the way he used to.

Even now, with my heart in pieces, I want nothing more than for him to storm through the front door and take all of my pain away. Because, the truth is, he is the only one who could ever fully heal me. And I hate that the most.

I reach for my phone in my pocket and pull it out, knowing that right now I need Mia. Not caring about the time difference, I dial her number and put the phone to my ear. The call connects on the second ring and Mia's voice sounds through the speaker.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" she asks straight away, eliciting another sob from me.

"I found Ethan, I told him about Matthew and he doesn't care." I cry into the phone, knowing my voice has reached a higher note but not caring about trying to compose myself. Mia has seen me at my worst.

"You found him?" she asks before continuing in a louder voice, "What do you mean he doesn't care?" I can almost feel her rage from the other side of the country.

"I told him that he had a son and that Matthew was sick, and he didn't say anything, didn't even ask about him, or about me." I sob into the line.

"That asshole," she mutters into the phone. "Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry, I wish I was there right now." I nod my head, knowing that she can't see me.

"I wish you were too... I just don't know what to do," I tell her, "I hate him, I hate him so much."

"I know Livy, but everything will be okay, Matthew is still on the donor waitlist and you don't need him in your life." Mia states and I nod my head again.

"It just hurts, I wasn't prepared for how much it would hurt to see him again." Mia sighs into the phone, before speaking.

"A part of you always held onto him, as much as you tried to convince yourself that you hated him, I know that you held out hope in the end." She confirms everything I already knew.

"I just feel like an idiot, moving all the way over here on the chance that he may actually give a shit about me and Matthew." I say, my tears starting to slow down and anger replacing the ache in my chest. "The worst part, he's close to all of the friends I've made here, so if I want to stay friends with them I'm going to see him all the time."

I sit up and wipe the tears from my eyes, taking a deep breath to try and calm my shattered breathing.

"Well, he won't exactly be invited to those girls' nights and lunches you have told me about, so you won't see him at those." Mia assures me.

"That's true," I murmur as I pick at the blanket on my bed. I can avoid him which still maintaining my friendships, and eventually he will be deployed again and I won't have to see him at all.

"Now, how's my nephew doing?" Mia asks bringing a smile to my face. She knows me well enough to know that talking about Matthew always raises my spirits.

"He's doing well, exhausted today from a big week, but the treatment his new doctor has him on seems to be helping him a lot more." I tell her.

"That's great! It'd be good if he didn't have to spend so much time in the hospital."

"He'll still have to do dialysis, but it does look like there will be a longer interval between them." I smile at the thought of Matthew being able to be a normal kid for a change. The past three years have been nothing but hospital visits, specialist doctors and poking and prodding.

I chat to Mia for a little bit longer, my heart feeling lighter and a plan forming in my head on how I am going to manage to avoid Ethan all together.