Protecting Olivia

CHAPTER TWELVE

LIVY

The lead up to Matthew's surgery date is going by painfully slow. It's only been two weeks since we found out he has a donor, one more week to go and it can't come fast enough. I feel like we can finally see the light at the end of a long and dark tunnel. Of course, I'm worried, what mother wouldn't be with their son going into major surgery. I'm worried that something could go wrong in surgery, I'm worried that his body might reject the kidney. But I try to remain positive, try to focus on the fact that my boy won't be spending so much of his life in hospital.

My success at avoiding Ethan came to an end a couple of days after the news of Matthew's donor, since then I swear, I have seen him almost every day. He has barely acknowledged me, which I'm not surprised, I feel like a past dirty secret, which is exactly what I was. Still, I can't help but feel it's deliberate. My once safe time with the girls has been invaded by his presence, even if its just for a moment. He will turn up with Seb, Jordan or Lance for whatever reason and I have to try my best to keep my expression neutral and not scream out every little thing going through my head.

I'm amazed at the level of hatred I have for him. You'd think after eleven years I'd be over it, but his presence in my life just proves how much I am still hurting. I hate seeing him, I hate hearing his voice and listening to him laugh with his mates. I hate that my body reacts to his presence, that my heart skips a beat when I see him and that I still have that same teenage urge to run into his arms. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I put it down to residual feelings from my teenage years, before I knew who he truly was. It's made me anxious to catch up with the girls, knowing that he could turn up there at any time when previously he had avoided being where I was. Although maybe that was a figment of my imagination, as he doesn't seem to care now.

Today though, I am relieved to hear that they are on a training day, which is why I happily accepted an invite to Lucy's place for a girl's day. Lucy and Nicole's kids are with Lucy's mum, and Matthew is spending a day with his friends.

Matthews friends had heard about his surgery and wanted to celebrate with him beforehand. Despite being only 10 and 11 years old, they really are a great bunch of kids. He never had friends back in Brisbane like he does here, not as caring and compassionate as the bunch of boys he's befriended since we moved.

I'd dropped him off in the morning then made my way to Lucy's house. We had decided to have an entire day of girl time, down of makeovers, drinks and general gossip. I hadn't done anything like that since high school, most of my girlfriends disappearing once they heard that I was pregnant. Not that I could blame them, their lives at the time consisted of nightclubs and random flings, while mine was nappies and 2am feeds.

Its after lunch, our hands and feet are perfectly pampered, our face masks removed and 3 bottles of champagne successfully finished. I'm feeling a bit of a buzz, though I haven't had as much as Kaley, Lucy, Nicole or Jane, mindful that I do have to pick up Matthew later in the afternoon. The light conversation soon turns to the men in the girls lives as Kaley regales us with a tale that I do not believe is physically possible, despite how flexible she may be.

Jane sits to the right of me in the singular armchair, her face the brightest shade of red I have ever seen, which makes me spur Kaley on, asking her more explicit questions as Jane grows more and more embarrassed. It's amusing to say the least, making me laugh as she hides her face in her pillow with a cringe. Jane has turned out to be my closest friend in Perth, having spent a lot more time with her outside of work compared to Lucy, Nicole and Kaley.

"Oh my god, can you please stop!" Jane finally pipes in making us all burst into laughter at her expense. "I hate you all." She grumbles as she throws a couch cushion in our general direction.