Protecting Olivia

CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT

LIVY

I open the bathroom door to the adjoining room after showering and changing into my pyjama's, grateful to feel a bit cleaner after the flight. It wasn't a long flight, but being trapped in a small area with a lot of random people and no fresh air always made me feel icky.

I freeze once the door opens and my eyes catch sight of Ethan on his bed, sitting up against the bedhead, his phone in his hand, shirtless. His torso is complete muscle, strong and solid, what you would expect from an elite soldier. Though his sun kissed skin is littered with scars, it's the tattoo that covers his left pec that takes my attention, and of course the outline of his abs, the definition of his muscles making my mouth go dry.

My eyes travel over his upper body, returning to the tattoo of the bird that appears to be coming in to land, the detail of the feathers of the wings and the way they swirl in seemingly random directions as if they are ruffled by the wind. There seems to be a pattern to them that I can't quite make out.

I look up to see Ethan watching me, a slight smirk on his lips with his eyebrow raised, obviously catching my ogling. I can feel my cheeks start to heat and I clear my throat, in an attempt to contain the blush that will no doubt make me look like a tomato.

"Your... uh," I stutter before clearing my throat again. "Your tattoo... when did you get it?" I manage to get out as I take hasty steps towards my own bed, almost stumbling into the open bedding in the most ungraceful manner. I lay my head on the pillow and bring the blankets up over me, turning onto my side to face Ethan who watches me with gentle amusement.

"I was, uh, overseas for a few years," he states hesitantly, though I know straight away that he's talking about when he was captured, the dark, faraway and pained look in his eyes telling me that the memories are painful.

"Lucy told me what happened," I whisper, earning a relieved sigh from him as he slides down in the bed and turns on his side to face me. He props himself up on his elbow, his eyes scanning over me as I cocoon myself in my blankets, the dark, faraway look in his eyes disappearing, replaced with the relief that he wouldn't have to talk about it, explain those years to me. I wonder briefly if he had ever spoken about that time, if any of us would really know what those men went through.

"It was one of the first things I did when I got back," he tells me, looking down at his own tattoo with a sad smile.

"Why a bird?" I ask.

"It's a Dove. My own peace," he says quietly, his eyes moving to mine. "My calm."

There's a sadness and longing in his eyes as he stares into mine, one I can't quite figure out, but soon its gone and replaced with a small smile.

"I needed a reminder of that, that I can have that, I just have to find it" I nod my head in understanding, though I don't think I could ever fully comprehend the inner turmoil he would go through day after day. Not just with the memories of being captured, of being in the midst of war, but of his own childhood and the life he has had to live so far. I find myself hoping that he can find that peace permanently, that he can finally let all the demons of his past go, and move on and be happy.

"I hope you do," I whisper earning a small smile in return. He opens his mouth to say something but stops himself, instead turning onto his back and staring up at the ceiling.

"What was your pregnancy like?" he asks, changing the subject.

"It was pretty normal," I tell him. "I had a bit of morning sickness, but nothing too bad. It wasn't until a couple of weeks before I was due that I found out one of Matthew's kidneys hadn't formed properly."

He nods his head in understanding as my eyes begin to droop, the long day and late-night travel starting to catch up with me.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," his voice is pained, laced with sadness that I know he wishes he could have been there.

"It's okay, it wasn't your fault." I mumble tiredly, my eyes closing no matter how much I try to keep them open. "Do you think, if things were different, we would still be together now?" my voice is distant to me, and I'm not sure if I put the words together properly, I can feel the lull of sleep washing over me that I'm not quite sure of what Ethan replied, though I thought I heard him say that he was sure of it.

*

I wake to the sound of someone moving around the still dark room. I open one eye to see the time of the alarm clock between the beds, noting that it's just after six in the morning. It was close to two in the morning when I last looked at the clock. I move the blankets up above my nose, burrowing myself into the warmth.

"You better not be about to wake me so early," I grumble, closing my eyes again and hearing the soft chuckle as footsteps move closer to me. The bed moves slightly and I open my eyes to find Ethan crouched by the bed, his arms resting on the edge as he looks at me with an amused grin. His eyes are bright this morning, there isn't a trace of the usual weariness I see in them. He looks youthful and carefree, as if the weight of the world is off his shoulders for the time being. My heart flutters as his smile widens as our eyes connect, I find myself smiling behind my blankets in return.

"Not at all," Ethan's voice is quiet, as if he doesn't want to chase away the last tendrils of sleep that still hold me. "I'm going to get the hire car and us some breakfast, you can sleep a little longer."

I murmur in agreeance, my eyes closing involuntarily as another soft chuckle leaves his lips. The bed moves again and I know he has risen from his crouched position. I feel him lean over me and his lips press against my temple, lingering slightly before he speaks again.

"I'll be back soon,"

I wake only moments later to the door to our hotel room opening and the smell of bacon and coffee hitting my nose. I blink my eyes open in confusion, didn't he just leave a minute ago? I watch as Ethan walks into the room carrying two take away coffees and a brown paper bag which no doubt holds breakfast. My eyes flick to the clock and see that it's past seven, over an hour since he left.

I push myself up in the bed, stretching my arms above my head as a yawn escapes my lips. I feel slightly more refreshed than I did an hour ago, even though it only felt like I had a few minutes of sleep. Ethan walks towards me and places a coffee on the bedside table before sitting on his bed and opening up the bag.

"Good morning," he says cheerfully. "I got you a bacon and egg roll." I mumble a thanks as I reach for the coffee, bringing it to my lips in the hope that it will bring me some life. Ethan hands me my wrapped-up roll and I take it, placing it on my lap as I sip on my coffee.

"I thought we would head off after breakfast," I nod my head in agreement, unwrapping my roll and bringing the goodness to my lips. I can't help but let out a moan at how good it tastes; better than the usual toast or cereal I scoff down each morning in a rush to get myself to work and Matthew to school. Ethan lets out a chuckle, watching me with amusement.

"Good?" he asks, I nod in reply, taking another large bite as he opens up his own. We finish breakfast quietly, throwing away our rubbish. Ethan packs up and checks the room for any remaining items as I quickly get changed into jeans and a hooded jumper.

It doesn't take long before we are checked out and on the road to Port MacDonnell, music playing in the background as Ethan navigates with ease through South Australia. The trip is filled with small talk, bad singing and laughter. So much laughter that I can't remember a time when I had laughed so hard or felt so carefree. Well, that's not true, the last time I'd felt this way was with Ethan eleven years ago, the trip bringing a sense of déjà vu.

Halfway through the trip, I know all this time alone with Ethan will not be good for my heart. Watching him through the corner of my eye, seeing his relaxed disposition, the happiness in his eyes and the small smile on his face, my heart is in a constant state of flutter. Everything that I had tried to avoid by moving out and putting distance between Ethan and I hits me full force at that moment as I realise that I had yet again fallen head over heels in love with this man.