𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟒𝟓

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I put the bong back after getting as high as what made me forget everything, I walked back outside as no one was there still after half an hour, I loved parties but today I just didn't like it, I wanted to be there but I wanted to be invisible, I didn't wanna talk to anybody to be seen by anybody, Especially Brody.

I light a cigarette from my pocket and lean back against the wall I was standing up against, I put my hand up to eye level and glare at my bitten nails that had dome dark red nail polish on, I close my hand and take another hit, I slowly make my hand and my cigarette meet, It burned a lot as expected

I flinch and take my cigarette away from my hand but i'd quickly tempted to do it again, I go back to it and flinch away again, I sigh and put my cigarette out by flicking it on the ground me stepping on it, I lean back on the wall and take in all the pain from my tingling thumb

I hear the back door open so I open my eyes, I see Cook and Freddie, "Did you see his face?" Cook laughed to someone he was talking too inside and stopped when he saw me, "Oh hey Aphrodite, What you doing out here for come and join the party" Cook exclaimed, Before I could say anything, "Are you okay?" Cook asked

"Yeah I'm fine I think I'm gonna go home" I say before making my way inside, I walk out the kitchen and through the hallway then the front door, There was a group of boys hanging out by the front gate drinking beer from a bottle, They were wearing white nike tracksuits and some wearing black with beanies or a backcap

"Excuse me" I say, They move out of the way and I quickly make my way back home, I open the front door that was always unlocked and make my way upstairs, I hear laughing from Effys room, I hear a familiar voice other than Effys it was Freddie

I furrow my eyebrows and make my way in my bedroom before anyone noticied I was back, I lock my door and glance around my messy room, I reach for behind my wardrobe and find the blood stained shirt the blood had turned brown by now

I reach for my art kit I got when I was 13 and grab the sharpener I unscrew it after multiple failed attempts and take the blade out, I roll my jacket up and use the blade to press down on my skin and then swipe, blood instantly poured out a thick cut was shown next to my scars, I do it multiple times again

After cleaning up the blood and shoving the tank top behind my wardrobe I sneak downstairs still hearing Effy and Freddie in her room, I grab the box of plasters from the cupboard and start placing them on my arm, I put the wrappers in the bin and put my black jacket on, I was still high from the weed

I sit down on the table and hear the laughter dying from upstairs, the pain from the self harm was addicting it was like I was running away from myself, It was like a craving, a need.

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