Life in the middle-Harry Styles Fanfic AU COMPLETED

Chapter 39

It's 6pm and we've just gotten back to my place. Harry supported me in speaking to the Police and asking for a Intervention Order, legally stopping Michael from coming near me or Harry. Harry said he didn't want or need one but I think he did it mostly to ease my anxiety.
Jinx meows at both of us and Harry picks him up calling him "big boy", I chuckle to myself and get his food ready while Harry tames Jinx's bruised ego.

I know I have to do some work so I ask Harry if he wants to stay or go back to Gemma's. Somehow I knew he'd stay, so I go to change my clothes and Harry follows me.
"Baby look what you've done to me" he signs and I can see his jeans straining against his crotch. I can't resist him but I have a back log of work to do, I'll just have to wait a little longer, to please myself and him. He gives me a smug smile when I walk towards the studio leaving him standing there. He doesn't take long to follow me and sit on his favourite chair.

I turn some music on and throw him a few magazines to look through.
While I'm working on a painting, Harry does everything to get my attention including singing, and Dancing, he gives up after a while and falls asleep on the chaise.
It's harder now not to get distracted as I find it calming to watch him sleep. He looks so calm, he's breaths are even and his eye lids flutter.

How am I going to be when he returns home? We haven't spoken about a long distance relationship but we also aren't behaving like this is just a few weeks of fucking and then we're done. If that was the case, why would we both have such immense feelings towards each other? We've both confessed our love for one another, what happens now?

I decide to have a break and go and lay on the chaise with Harry, carefully as not to wake him. I watch him sleep and gentle brush his hair that's fallen on his forehead. He moves his head slightly and puts an arm around me. I can feel my moods shift and my anxiety increase.

I start to think about what will happen in a few weeks? How will it go? How will I be? And can I get through this knowing I've fallen for someone that isn't here for good.
I feel the familiar sound of my heart speeding up. My hands being to shake and I feel a cold sweat. I can't do this. I'm not going to be ok or let go when it's time.

I think about speeding up the process and ending it now instead of dragging myself through it eventually. I feel I need to do it but my heart aches at the thought of being without him. I stand up abruptly because I can't lay there anymore while I feel overly anxious and panicking.
I look down at Harry who wakes up now because of my swift body movement interrupting his slumber.
He rubs his eyes and smiles. This is killing me.

He reached his arm out and talks his voice thick with sleep and more raspier then usual.
"Come ere babe" he asks still smiling. I shake my head no and it takes him a while to see the panic and pain in my face, I can see the moment he realises I'm not calm, he's face pales and he momentarily closes his eyes before he opens them and he begins to get up.
"Echo what are you thinking about love?" He slowly coaxes. I am still for now, my responded delayed.
I look at him, his glorious green eyes.
"Please say something baby, you're freaking me out" his words come out slow and calm, totally opposite to what I'm feeling.
I go to speak and stammer, "I..I can't do this anymore, I know I won't cope and I know that I care but this" I flap my arms between myself and him "can't continue, I need you to leave, I've put you in enough bullshit so far Harry, I can't keep it up"
His voice falters and breaks as he replies "we can work this out Echo, we can video chat, you could come and visit and as soon as I finish up some work, I'll be back. My mind is swirling with all those answers. He believes we could do this but not I.
"Cmon love, please stop doubting yourself, it will be difficult at the start but we have something I can't let go of, don't ask me to" his eyes turn glassy as I quickly allow myself to look at him quickly. The more I look, the more my resolve decreases but I know myself, I'll end up in a depressive episode and he won't be here to pick up the pieces. This need to stop.

"Harry I really can't do it or have this conversation right now, I'd like you to leave " I can't believe those words came out of my mouth so easily, but deep down I see this impact those words have on Harry. He looks defeated, his glossy eyes allow a few tears to stream down his face. I hurt just knowing I've done this. He knows he can't change my mind, so he looks at me one more time and I see in his eyes the pain he feels.
And I'm alone again.