Of Caverns and Casters ✓ [TLRQ #1]

Chapter 60 - Leavi

I'm numb.

I'm responding, acting normal even, taking charge, making sure we don't get caught. On the outside, I probably look like myself as I talk Jacin down, tell Idyne to follow me while everyone packs, and drag the Man from the East all the way to the barn. When he talks at me, though, I don't hear him, and when Idyne ties his arms tight to a post, I don't care that he winces. The world pretends to be normal as we pick Aster back up and trudge through piled drifts all the way to the inn. The snow starts yet again, and the flakes pelt my face, but I don't feel them.

Heat washes over us as we open the Kitten's door, and I dully appreciate the release from winter's embrace. We drag Aster upstairs to his room and lay him on the bed. Idyne asks me about my arm, but I have other things to do, and she's the last person I want to talk to right now. I walk down the hall. Glassy-eyed faces pop into my mind. My steps pause.

Idyne lays a hand on my shoulder. I shrug her off and stride to the bathroom, trying to banish the images.

I scoop up a washcloth and plunge it in the basin's water. For some reason, I expect it to swirl red, but it doesn't. It stays clear, clear as crystals, clear as glass, clear and reflective as that silvered shard that thrust into the guard's—

I wring the washcloth out. I'm numb. I'm numb, and I'm happy to stay that way.

I brush past Idyne and go into Aster's room. He's still unconscious. I dab the damp cloth beneath his nose, wiping the blood away. My hand slips against his cheek. His skin is ice.

"Help me get him under the blankets," I say to no one in particular.

My hands work at pulling the covers out from under him, and then up again. I'm surprised to see it's Jacin's hands who join me, not Sean's. Where is Sean? I don't know, and I don't raise my head to look.

Jacin sets his hand on my shoulder, little finger brushing my neck. My skin crawls. I don't want to be alone with him, but he's here, and he's helping me, and he's not turning us in. Maybe we're not alone after all, either. Maybe Sean is here.

Now I glance up to look. Jacin's hand slips off. The room is dark but for the moonlight. Sean is nowhere to be seen.

Idyne is nagging me about my arm again. Aster's face is clean. I wave Idyne away and attend to my own injury. I don't need her hands on me any more than I need Jacin's.

I wish Sean were in here.

I ignore Idyne's worried gaze. The cut isn't that deep. It just stings. I lay the washcloth over it to help the blood coagulate. Yes, I'm fine, I tell them. They ask more than once. Yes, I'm fine. I just want you to go away. I don't tell them that.

They seem to figure it out, though. They leave, shutting the door behind them.

I should go too. Get some sleep in my own bed. Rest. I didn't do much of that last night.