Of Caverns and Casters ✓ [TLRQ #1]

Chapter 10 - Aster

The candles are extinguished, and my curtains are drawn. My hands hesitate on the open travel bag on my bed, filled with my changes of clothes, casting materials, and rations.

If I get caught leaving... I'm terrified to imagine what Mother will have to say.

What Agraund will do.

I shiver. Being late autumn, the castle is drafty, only adding to my chill.

If I leave, I'll be counted as a traitor. Sela will have to admit her once-dear brother has abandoned his country. Ren will have his justification in thinking me a weak coward. Father will finish forgetting my existence. Mother will be more worried about spinning my disappearance into a story that paints her in a positive light than about my actual wellbeing.

And Agraund... He'll search and not give up until he finds me. When he does manage to drag me back, he'll be the one in charge of delivering the proper recompense.

My skin crawls at the thought.

But no matter what they think, I won't be abandoning or betraying them. Morineaux is the embodiment of everything I stand for, everything I love. No country will ever be her equal or deserve my loyalty more.

Nothing will ever deserve my loyalty more.

"I need to improve," I say to the empty room, "and I will not let myself fail my country."

The people of this land trust the line of Jacqueline to wisely and lovingly lead them. They trust me to lead them. As Second Son, I'll be responsible for all the country's wizards. I'll be the one everyone turns to when some non-military plight ravages the nation. I'll be the one they expect to foresee disasters, to find magical solutions to impossible problems. If some upstart nation is to ever threaten our borders, I'll be the one everyone looks to for intelligence. When the army makes a mistake, I'll be the one they expect a miracle from. When all else fails, I'll be the one sent with a dagger and a spell Book to protect our country's secrets.

If I cannot, there is no one to take my spot. So I have to go. I don't have a choice. My Morineaux needs me, and I can't let her down. My attempts here to improve clearly aren't adequate. Perhaps this academy holds some secret I've not yet found, some trick to help me unlock what's been hidden to me for so long.

No matter the consequences, no matter what punishment I'll face, if there's even a chance I can become stronger, I have to take it.

I snap shut the button on my bag. "It's my duty to my country to do everything I can to be the best I can."

Worry and fear congeal into resolve. I'm going to do this. I'm going to improve. For Morineaux.

For that cause, I know I can do whatever I must.

I sling my bag over my shoulder and, for the last time until I'm the caster Morineaux needs me to be, stride out of my bedroom. I drop a note to my family on the coffee table and pull on my cloak.