I'll Be Happy For The Both Of You

chapter 15: it's time

Two hours.

Just two hours and the ball will officially begin.

I have walked up and down the stairs what seemed like a hundred times.

In two hours, I'll have to walk into the town hall, Jerry by my side. I'll have to watch Ruby and Gilbert together.

They'll probably already be there by the time that I arrive. Mr. Always-Perfect will be there on time, he'll make sure of it. Unlike me, who will surely be at least a few minutes late. Even if I departed right at this moment, which I couldn't, since I was far from being ready, something would still happen to make me be late. It was always like that, no matter how ready I thought I was. Anyway, even if I managed to be there on time, he would still be there sooner.

Not everyone could be as effortlessly perfect as Gilbert! Mr. I know everything, Mr. I can get any girl that I want, Mr. I will make you start doubting everything!

But why does he matter so much? Why do I care?

I don't. I can't. I won't.

I walked down the stairs, attempt number one hundred and one. As I reached the small mirror on the wall, I looked at my expressionless face. I touched my freckles, those damned freckles, and I touched the strands of red outlining all that freckled paleness. Red and white. And a little bit of green. Nothing special. Nothing much to see.

I wanted to stop pitying myself, but right now it was harder than usual to do so. I think it was because of all those wonderful fantasies that I had in my head about balls and dancers and pretty young ladies and handsome young gentlemen in elegant clothes moving gracefully on the dance floor. In those daydreams, I was always the fairest of all, my dance card full of boys eager to dance with me, while I always imagined that there would be a special someone on that ball. I'd be looking at him all the time and he'd be looking back at me. We'd be stealing glances all evening. I would dance with others, as was expected, but only one would truly be on my mind. It would be the same for him. Wouldn't that be romantic?

Well, nothing of this sort could reasonably be expected today. And I had to be reasonable for once.

Today is the day. The perfect day to start being rational and not let my emotions get the better of me.

It could still be a perfectly fine evening. I'll go with my friend and I'll spend time with my classmates. And I won't pay attention to the prettiest pair that will be there. Yes, I can already picture how they'll look today. The golden boy and the golden girl. After all, it makes perfect sense.

And it's okay.

I was already wearing my green dress from Matthew, which still fit well, even though it was now a little shorter on me than it was when I first got it. I had yet to put on my black shoes which I planned to thoroughly clean first with a wet cloth. After that, all that was left to do was style my hair. It was already curled, but Marilla insisted to pin it for me with beautiful pearly hair pins shaped like green flowers. She had bought them especially for this occasion, hoping to make me happy. And no matter what happened today, knowing that I can return home to Marilla and Matthew made me feel much calmer. A safe, warm place full of love to return to. No matter how wounded or hurt I came back, the door would be open. And they would be waiting for me.

Pinning the hair made my face more visible, but Marilla assured me it becomed me very well. I have to admit, even if that doesn't say much, looking at myself right now, this is the closest I ever got to looking pretty.

There was a knock on the door as Marilla was adjusting a curl that has slipped from one of the hair pins. She secured it with another of the green flowers, sensibly buying two more than we needed (isn't that just like Marilla?) and went to open the door. I heard a distinct french accent echo through the house so I hurried up to put on my long coat and white gloves, the nicest pair I owned.

Jerry was now standing in the hallway, looking his best. Being the kind person that he was, Matthew had given Jerry a large box containing a set of all necessary pieces of clothing required for an occasion like this. Knowing the living conditions of Jerry's family, he knew Jerry would never be able to afford clothes like the ones Avonlea pupils would wear on the ball. And while the clothes Jerry now wore were simple in the eyes of, say, Josie and the Pyes, it was a perfectly suitable outfit and Jerry looked handsome and elegant.

I smiled at him and he bowed, offering me his arm. Marilla watched us approvingly, complimenting how well we looked.

"Well, well, aren't you two charming!" She exclaimed happily and her cheeks were pale pink. She looked very motherly and I had to go and hug her tightly before we departed.

Matthew offered to drive us there, so we sat next to him on the carriage. It took us some time to get there, which Jerry spent singing the few french songs he knew by heart over and over again. But unlike the first time we went on an adventure together, this time I enjoyed hearing his happy voice as I watched the leaves falling from the trees. Beautiful nature in autumnal colors of red, orange, yellow and brown surrounded us throughout our entire journey.

Matthew kept looking at his hand watch nervously, but each time he noticed my eyes were on him, he smiled at me reassuringly. It was safe to assume we were late.

"We'll be there shortly." Matthew said then, and he was right. Nonetheless, we still arrived some fifteen minutes after Mrs. Lynde opened the door for all the incoming guests.

We now stood in front of the large building, which had its white windows open and slow music could already be heard coming from inside. I could hear the sweet sound of violins.

The stiff expression on Jerry's face did not help my nerves much. I whispered, "It'll be okay," but I wasn't sure if I was saying it to him or to myself.

We waved Matthew goodbye, nothing would persuade him to stay here, but he had a gentle smile on his face as he waved back at us.

All that was left to do now was taking a few steps. The door in front of us was wide open.