I'll Be Happy For The Both Of You

chapter 11: the ball is coming

It was Friday, the very last day before the ball tomorrow. I really didn't want to go to school today, and I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go to the ball on Saturday.

I hated Gilbert for ruing it for me. I hated him before too, for so many reasons, like his snobbiness, stubbornness, competitiveness, arrogance and teasing. But now, I hated him even more.

He ruined the ball for me. I couldn't look forward to it now as much as I wanted to, because he changed it all. After what happened yesterday, after my scene at the Barrys', I was sure everyone hated me. I was used to that though, what I wasn't used to was that now, Gilbert seemed to hate me as well. I even hated him for hating me.

He always teased me, always was somewhat of an arch-nemesis to me, but I never ever thought he'd hate me. Maybe dislike me, yes, but not hate me. But I know he does now. And it is a weird feeling, indeed.

I guess I always lied to myself, always made myself believe he already despised me. That we were enemies. Deep down, however, I knew he didn't. But now, some might say finally, I really made him hate me. Some people wondered why he didn't already do so for such a long time, wondered why he still cared and tried, after the way I treated him. I sometimes wondered so too. I mean, he really hurt me when he called me 'Carrots' and pulled my braid, but besides that, he always only teased me. I, however, was really horrible to him so many times. I realized that now, but I know I couldn't help it. It was my natural instinct to act like that around him. But he still tried, and tried, and tried. I guess he saw behind my temper and impulse, right into my heart. Who knows. That's over now, though. Even if he didn't before, he sure hated me now.

I went down the stairs sluggishly, trying to come up with an excuse not to go to school.

"Marilla, I feel terribly ill today. I believe it's best if I just stay home." I said with a frown, holding my stomach.

"Hm." Marrila said doubtfully, probably remembering all the times I tried to avoid school before and motioned for me to come to her. She observed me closely and held a hand over my forehead.

"You seem absolutely fine, Anne." She said with a glare and I sighed.

"But Marilla PLEASE! I can't bear to go to school. I simply can't!" Tears started to fill up my eyes.

"Whatever is the matter, Anne?"

"It's too much explaining, can't you just trust me?" I looked at her with pleading eyes. "Please!"

"Anne, if you can't tell me what it is, you have to understand that I can't let you stay home. You're a strong girl, I'm sure you can overcome it. No matter what it is." She patted my shoulder reassuringly.

"I'll go. But know that it'll be a great torture." I sighed deeply and Marilla giggled. "But I will live through it. I won't let some dumb boy ruin my day."

"Boy? What boy?" Marilla asked, suspicion in her voice.

"It's no one of importance. He's not important at all!" I said more to myself than to her and ran out of the door and in the direction of the school. He wasn't going to stop me.

As I walked, I noticed how wonderful the trees were. Especially now. I saw the oranges and the yellows appear from time to time, as the sun's beams played on their leaves gently. While September could be long and dreadful sometimes, it was one of nature's most fascinating times, for sure. And when Gilbert didn't feel particularly keen on destroying it, my life seemed quite well now. If it was just me and the nature, I was sure there'd hardly be a dark time. I could watch the variety and colorfulness of it every moment of my life. Just admiring it could fill me up with such undeniable happiness.