Every Thing You Never Had

8: Live By A Sword, Die By A Sword

When you let go you create for something better

~Unknown
~
♡︎♡︎♡︎

I don't know what she is doing to me. I never bring girls into my house. So why did I bring her? Something about her makes me want to keep her close to me. I don't know what it is or why I can't leave her alone. What I do know is this will only end in her heartbroken. There's so much she doesn't know about me, no one outside of family does. I don't get close to people, I don't care about anyone but myself. When this is the life you live, you can't afford to let yourself love or care for anyone else. It doesn't matter how hard it gets. Death is the only outcome for this life. There is no way out. There is no mercy in this lifestyle. You either kill, or be killed. There's no room for love. No room for happiness. This is the price you pay when you choose to be in this life, but for me. I didn't get a choice. I was born into this, this is my destiny. There's no way out of this life and I have accepted it.

I know that I need to stay away from her, I can't explain how she makes me feel. It's like every time I'm around her a light shines into the dark cell I locked myself away in. I know that this will only end in tragedy. Getting involved with someone like me can only end in two ways. Heartbreak or death. If she knew the truth she'd be running for her life. I know that I should stay away from her, but she makes me feel something. Something I haven't felt for a long time.

I really didn't want to leave her alone, but when duty calls I can't deny it. I had a lot of rage built up inside of me. I'm glad that I finally can take my anger out on someone tonight.

"I'll be back." I told her, not giving her time to question where I was going. I walked out Into my car and drove to the warehouse. After typing in the code I walked down the dark cold hallway. When I finally reached the room I walked in and everyone went quiet. I ignored them and continued to walk over to the bar.

"Whiskey. Neat." I told the bartender.

"Where have you been?" Asher said while taking a seat beside me.

"Busy." Responded. Taking sips from my glass.

"Doing what? Or should I say who?" He says smirking and ordering a drink of his own. I roll my eyes at him and continue to finish my drink.

"Another." I say to the bartender. He nodded and started fixing my drink.

"You should slow down, you need your head in the game tonight. We can't have you slipping up." Ash added. I rolled my eyes and turned the opposite way.

"Hey baby." I hear an annoying high pitched Voice approaching. My dad couldn't get here fast enough. I ignore her and shoot back the rest of my drink. She walks in front of me and tries to sit on my lap. I turn the chair causing her to almost trip.

"What the fuck Brax?!" She shrieked.

"What do you want, Mackenzie?" I answer annoyed.

"What's up with you lately? You haven't been returning my calls or texts."

"Been busy." I replied. She starts slowly walking around me and wraps her arms around me.

"Too busy for me?" She whispered in my ear. She starts kissing my jaw and down my neck. Sure we've fucked around in the past but she was getting too comfortable and attached so I ended it. For a second I was considering it but then I shrugged her off.