Every Thing You Never Had

14: Tag, You're It

The scary thing about distance is you don't know whether they'll miss you or forget you.

~Nicolas Sparks

~
♡︎♡︎♡︎

The last two months have been so hard. I felt so lost without him, but I knew I couldn't go back.

When he showed up at my door I was terrified. The darkness in his eyes was something I'd never seen before.

He looked empty. Like there was nothing but darkness behind his eyes. It terrified me. I ran away from the heir of the Italian Mafia. The Don's son. He could have me killed within seconds.

I was sure he would kill me, but he didn't. He listened. He listened to my side and he actually believed me. Or maybe he wants me to think that he believes me. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters, in this moment there's so much I want to say, yet no words come out. I want to know if he still cares about me. I don't expect him to.

I expect him to send me on my way once all of this is over. After two months of being away from him, my feelings for him only seemed to increase.

When I was shackled down into the chair, he said he loved me.  And I left him. He said he  loved me, meaning he did.

But not anymore. The thought of him not caring about me anymore hurts more than anything I've ever felt. My eyes are stinging with tears that I try to blink away to no avail. The tears start running down my cheeks in hot streams. The tears are burning through my skin.

I deserve this. I deserve any type of pain the universe throws at me.

"Look at you. No one will ever want you like I did. You're not good for shit." The sound of Chris spitting these words at me eco threw my ears. Repeating everything over and over again. Each time louder than the last. I turn to the window and move my hand up to my mouth, trying to keep quiet so he wouldn't hear me.

I feel the car come to a stop outside a hotel. Definitely nicer than any hotel I've ever stayed in. A hand swiftly reaches over and grabs my face, turning my head so that I would face him.

Here he is, staring deep into my eye while I'm a shivering mess.

"What's wrong, bambina?" He questions, not moving his hand from holding my head in place.

"I-" I can't breathe. When I try to speak it feels like my throat is a droat. So dry that it's burning as I pant, gasping. Trying to get in any air my lungs would take in. In a quick move he gets out of the car and rushes over to my door. He opens the door and lifts me out of the car, pulling me into his arms.

"I'm... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please don't go." I cry.

"Don't apologize. I'm not them. I'm not going anywhere. Ever." He reassures, hugging me tighter, letting me cry harder into his chest.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Please don't leave me. I need you." I cry harder. Spilling everything I was thinking in the car.

"I'm not going anywhere. None of this is your fault," he pulls me back, forcing me to look up into his eyes. "I love you, così fottutamente tanto. There'll never be enough words to express the way you make me feel."
Even as he talks to me. Telling me his feelings, I can't get the voices out of my head.