Young Love

Come back

Today I'm going back to school. It's weird, isn't it? To be completely honest I had no idea how to handle it. I have a uniform on myself, my hair is done. I put delicate makeup on my tired face, maybe to cover up all the shit that influencing me now, at least psychically. I was playing with my hair, nervously with one hand. I did enjoy the coffee though. That smell, savor, and strong filling from my nostrils to my lungs, remind me of my pulse existence. Sara was sitting on the chair, scrolling through some old magazines. Her tiny; little hands were touching a piece of paper, and her fingers were pointed at some words from time to time, almost like she wanted to highlight them, to give them more meaning or depth.

-Hey, we have to go now. I informed her, putting my hands on her shoulders.

-Is Felice coming? She turned to me from the couch.

-I don't know. I guess we'll find out.

She nodded slowly.

-Bye, mum. We goodbye to her, from a distance.

We were walking with quiet surrounding us, creating a small bubble around us. Finally, we got to our bus stop. We sat on the bench, exhausted.

The snow didn't cover every part of the grass. You could see some green stalks, breaking through a snow's layers, shining from the influence of the sunlight, glittering flawlessly. It means growth and fighting obstacles. 

I was sitting on that cold, wooden bench. The sun was reflecting on my skin, giving me a glow. I closed my eyelids, trying to stabilize my heart race, focusing on the sounds. Freezy wind, footsteps, Sara's breath... I started to think about three people, mostly:

Sara- my sister.

Felice- my...'' friend''?

And Wilhelm my... em love intrest.

I have a strong connection with mi hermana. I love her simply. We've made a rule: No secrets to each other. Are we always playing by the rules? Absolutely not. It is the thing in our society though. What does the word: rule actually mean, anyway? Here's the official definition: 

An accepted principle or instruction that states the way things are or should be done, and tells you what you are allowed or are not allowed to do.

But how do we define rules? Someone had established something, then some people found the good in it, and after that, we simply feel the need or were forced to adjust to that. Do we always know that this particular rule is right or wrong? No! We tend to reduce nearly everything to good or bad, white or black, saint or devilish. We are living in a model of perception of reality as something we can understand, based on some facts, research, and rules. If someone discovers something, we take it or not. That's it. End of story. What if there's more to it? More depth psychological or not. I like to think of our reality as a whole wide spectrum. Of course, we have many things defined, but it could always be more to it. Why should I undergo someone who defined one or a few parts of this spectrum? Rules or laws can help us with finding our space; in which way we wanna go as a society, and what's important to us, personally too. But we can't and we actually shouldn't always be someone else's puppet, doing what fits into a small part of the whole spectrum. It's natural to have a need to change something and explore it. So that's why some of us avoid playing fair at some points. Why did Sara and I break this promise, the rule of not having secrets? 1) Coz we're humans, that happens. 2) We weren't thinking ahead. We couldn't predict, how our life is gonna be. What we will want to do, or how our perception will change. And number 3) We are vulnerable to many perspectives. We were also thinking it was a good idea. We weren't thinking about consequences, and we haven't paid attention to aspects like privacy, or simply not wanting to share everything. We haven't uploaded this rule! We've gotten lost and all of a sudden, both of us have done something against our promise. In the worst way possible as I can think right now. We need to have a deep conversation about it if we wanna live together in more peace.