Young Love

Story of my life

I will share a story with you.

I was sitting next to The Queen. I had a lot of mixed feelings. I didn't have any alternative options though. I needed to listen to what she was about to say. I put my hands together, waiting. 

-When I was fifteen I met someone. I was already an important figure in the monarchy. My mother wanted me to be the perfect girl; the perfect princess, and eventually the future Queen. She put a lot of hope in me, and I didn't want to let her down. I always sought to be a role model in our society. One day we had guests in the castle, foreigners mostly. I was introduced to a girl called Laura. She was from Italy. (The Queen smiled askew). We were talking a lot that night. My parents hosted a ball when we were supposed to make contact with ''important'' people. She is a cousin of the premier's son in her country. I saw something special in her, almost magnetizing. It was the first time I had felt like this. After a while, we were hanging out, too young to understand love or how relationships work. We didn't tell anybody. Not because of shame, but because it was kind of our thing, also very fresh. I remember when we were about to kiss, and my mum burst into my bedroom, just like in the movies. It could be our first romantic gesture, but we've never got a chance to do it. 

-Because she was a girl? I questioned her.

-The funny thing is, she wasn't.

-What do you mean? I added shockingly.

-I told my mother about Laura. She let us hang out in secret, but we were not allowed to kiss or do anything similar publicly. A few months later, my parents found an opportunity, to make new allies or strengthen our position. They commanded us to act like best friends in front of people or journalists. We had an interview for a very important magazine in Sweden, and she was wearing masculine clothes. She even cut her hair out. It was new to me, but it didn't bother me that much. My mother on the other hand was furious about it. Coz this kind of behavior is not royal or good enough. I discussed it with Laura and it turned out she define herself as a non-binary person. I had no idea what that was at that time, but then she explained it to me. And I was totally fine with that fact. I didn't need to understand it fully, to treat her with respect. I liked her, I attached feelings to that person. Since I knew of it I stopped talking about her as a girl, but my parents weren't that liberal. When they found out, they forbid me to have any type of contact with Laura. They sent me to therapy when I was learning that for example, homosexuality is weird and we shouldn't have tolerated it in our circle at least. It was only acceptable in a group of poor, uneducated people, who are bored with their lives and they tend to experiment more. I tried so hard not to think in that way, but I was stuck. My parents were so persuasive, and I didn't want to disappoint them and our country. (She was close to releasing tears from her eyes.) When Willhelm was born I knew I had to protect him and raise him as a good Prince, who would never receive any kind of hate or insults. 

-You thought if he had stayed away from me, it would have been better for him, because of how people are portraying him? I asked her.

-Yes. She admitted, looking down at her feet.

And I'm so sorry for it. I didn't realize how much hurt it would cause. I will never forgive myself that I put my son in this situation. I always have lived in my mother's shadow. I simply didn't have another sample. I know it doesn't change anything, coz I could be smarter or act differently, but I did not do that at that moment. I love my family so much, Simon. You've gotta believe me! 

She was trembling, crying. Damn, she was in a bad condition. Maybe my impulses are sometimes out of place, but I came closer to her and attempted to hug her. She saw that and the next moment we were hugging, sobbing in each other's arms. It seemed surreal. It didn't last long. She backed up, wiping her tears off.