Young Love

Rumors

August:

The last two days were one of the most horrible days of my entire existence. I've been thinking about the past events, the way I've been treating my cousin, and damn I've never felt so fucked up. I began to seriously hate myself. How could I do all of this? Like I get it, I was always jealous of Wille. I've always wanted to be a King, to be seen since I've never really been seen by my closest family. I was seeking my father's validation for so many years, but I never got what I wanted. I've never been enough. I was constantly trying to prove him wrong and somehow I didn't even feel that bad at that time, but then he died, and he left me in pieces. There was a time when I even blamed myself for his stupid death. Mum was always somewhere, but she wasn't here. We've never really talked about what happened with my dad. When I began to lose everything, somehow my cousin started to get any possible thing I could ever wish for. The position, the place at school, friends, and interests. Whatever he did, it was never really questioned as harshly as my actions. Obviously, he's got a lot of pressure, but at least he's got Erick, he's got, Felice, then he even got stupid Simon. I was always technically the family, but I was never in the family. When the money issues took place, I almost felt threatened by Wille, like he was in a position where he could boss me around. And I hated it! Although no matter how awful I've been feeling, it doesn't justify the fact that I leaked that fucking tape that evening, that I've been lying to him like a dog. I've played these stupid little games with Felice, with Sara, with everyone. Now I kind of understand how the wish to die could possibly feel like. I didn't know what to do anymore. If I confessed I would be in jail, and the whole reputation of the royal family would crash and burn. If I won't, either Wille would do it, and since he's a Crown Prince his word is kinda more valuable. I'm gonna be in prison no matter what. Fuck! I mean I deserve this, but at the same time I'm just a stupid teenager, and I'm scared, I'm scared as hell. I also would never fully understand how The Queen could do this. She basically chooses me over her own son, but in the end, she doesn't even love me. She only cares about the image of the monarchy, and I totally get it, despite the fact that this is the closest family we're talking about. What annoyed me the most, is that now when all of the shit explodes, she left me alone with this. Oh, God too much thinking! 

I grabbed a small razor from the bathroom locker, placed the sharp instrument against the thin and cold skin of my wrist, and pulled quickly. I gave myself one hateful stare in the mirror, put my shirt on, and went to school. I guess that's what my life will look like. I was staying in my dorm since I can't stay at Felice's. She hates me now. I don't blame her. if I didn't upload this video, none of this would ever happen, and she would still have this ''happy'' friendship with Wille. I don't wanna talk to The Queen, nor to anyone actually. Even If I'm feeling completely lost, and alone talking to them didn't make any sense and I have no one else to, so... I guess goodbye to social life. I didn't wanna get engaged with my school friends either. I didn't wanna hurt anybody else. 

Simon:

The morning was very quiet, too quiet. My mum was feeling a little sick, plus she was devasted about the whole August thing. Sara on the other hand seemed to be distant, she was constantly checking her phone nervously, but she wasn't willing to talk. I didn't wanna pressure her and honestly, I didn't even have the energy to do that. When I was eating breakfast I was trying too hard not to think about Wille. I sent him a text last night, maybe it was ill-considered, although there is not much I could do now. I needed to give him some space, actually, I think I need it as well. I'm just sickly worried about him. I've never seen him so impulsive. I'm 99% sure he was drunk, and God knows if he didn't take any drugs too. He can be mad all he wants, but I can't let him do anything stupid like that. I almost lost him when he had this accident. I'm not gonna lose him again, not like that. When things get more chill I'm gonna talk to him.