Just Like That

Part 11

The week had gotten away from you both with only simple good morning and goodnight texts. It was perhaps the longest you both had gone without real conversations or even your funny little games. Tom had been excruciatingly busy with preparations for Loki season 2. The majority of the training would take place in Atlanta, however as acting executive producer, there were many more conversations he was privy to besides just his acting role. Had he worked up the nerve to tell you that he would be mere minutes away from you in just a few months? No. His greatest fear was scaring you off. Being involved with an actor, even in an innocent friendship, could be a bit much. The pictures. The reporters. His schedule. His exhaustion level. There was nothing easy about any of this. Your silence hadn't given him the courage to tell you either.

But what Tom had forgotten, through no malicious fault, was that this was your last week of school with your kids. The mixed emotions were very real. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, knowing that in a week, you'd be able to sit for a moment without knowing there were eighteen other things you should be accomplishing instead. In a week, you could go your entire day without your name repeated thirteen times in a five minute period. In a week, you could sleep in as late as you wanted to... In a week, you could completely transform your schedule to sync with the London time change...

In a week...twenty-five pieces of your heart would leave you. Your job was to instruct. To prepare these ten year olds for the next year. However, it was so much more to you than that. You laughed with them over silly jokes. You cried with them when they shared the troubles going on at home. You guided them. Encouraged them. You loved them.

So, when your last day came around and you had sent those pieces of your heart to their homes—you tried not to think about those few students who wouldn't hear the words 'love ya' until they came back to school in the fall—you packed your school bag and headed home. The entire way back to your apartment, you allowed yourself to cry. That was a mistake, because you had absolutely no reason to stop. There wasn't anyone at home waiting for you. No students to pull it together in front of for the next few months. Hell, even messaging Tom (though he had been quite busy this week) didn't mean you had to stop crying.

The thought of being so utterly alone caused you to spiral further and further down the rabbit hole. Alice had it right. The further down you go, the harder it is to see the light—nothing makes sense. Everything is topsy turvey, and you have no idea how to get out of it.

Luckily, that darkness was so intense that it drowned out your own insecurities. You dialed the number that you held onto for weeks—

twhiddleston

Would it make you feel better to exchange numbers, darling? For emergency situations?

cgfan0820

Yes, I would feel much better!

Tom hadn't argued with you, although the thought process behind the whole thing was rather ludicrous. Even if there was an emergency for either of you, an ocean apart was not conducive to helping during said hypothetical emergencies. But, it made you feel better—so Tom agreed. He kept his own motives to himself. He had hoped that one day, without a pending emergency, you would feel comfortable enough to call him...

And that you did...

"I'm so sorry!" you cried into the phone, into the silence that awaited you on the other end. You didn't know what came over you, but the only coherent thought you had before breaking out into sobs was I need to hear his voice. There were so many options. Countless interviews, films, recordings. Within seconds, you could have heard him speaking through the videos on Youtube—but it wouldn't be directed towards you. It wouldn't be the same. To fill the agonizing silence, you added "I don't know what came over me. All I knew was I wanted you."