MATED TO A BEAST

faded

Where are you now.
Atlantis
Under the sea,
under the sea,
where are you now
Another dream.
The monsters running wild inside Of me.
I'm faded
I'm faded
so lost, I'm faded,
I'm faded so lost
I'm faded.

Blue

"Blue,"my mother called making me turn around.

"Yes,mum."I said staring at her,she watched me intently then beckoned me to come closer.

"Come here my dear."I came closer as my mum opened her hands for me to hold.i held onto her hand."sit."she said.

"My beautiful baby,I want you to talk to me,tell me what is in your heart."she said calmly.

"Nothing is in my heart,and I have nothing to say mum."I looked down not wanting to meet her eyes or she would see the truth in them.

"Sooner or later,we were going to have this conversation,"my mum said bringing my face to meet her eyes."you need to talk about your pain,and let go of the anger that is within you,I know you loved your job,and losing it was the hardest,it will be fine."

" You know nothing will be fine,you know it."I screamed, standing up as I felt my throat constrict as my eyes welled up with tears.

"What do you want me to do,you want me to allow you continue to work there,just because our family is going through financial crisis."my mother yelled."we are going to find a way."

"What way mum,"I was upset now.and I was beginning to scream.my face was beginning to get wet from all my tears.

"Do you know how much it hurt me to see you in that hospital bed,did you now how it hurt everybody to see how weak you were,"my mother whispered,I could hear the crack in her voice and I knew she was crying and my heart broke more because I was the cause.

she seemed to have stopped, waiting for a reply and when she got none she continued"child,you can't take all the responsibility on your shoulder,you are not even old enough,you are just...."she stopped Midway as i turned around sharply and shouted.

"Yes mum,I know how old I am,I am just nineteen,so what.you knew how happy I was when I got this job,and then things went downhill from there.i got sick and I had to stop,and you guys kept telling me everything was going to be fine when I knew nothing was going to be fine,"I was a mess right now,I couldn't stop crying.

"you know what hurt the most,my friends who I confided in,who I shared my pain.they decided not to talk to me anymore because I was no longer in their league anymore."I held the kitchen counter as my knees felt weak,I stared at my mum as I saw the tears on her face,it felt like someone stabbed my heart,I was crying so much I couldn't breathe,I placed my hand on my chest to try and steady my self so I could breath.

"No,no,no child,they were not good friends,no good friend would treat you like that."my mother spoke trying to console me.i shook my head vigorously not wanting to believe her.she tried to come closer and I backed away holding out my hand so she wouldn't come close.

"No mum,pl...ease,sta..y away from me.i'm scared."I said,my tears making it hard for me to speak.

"No child why,you are my baby."my mother was crying now and the pain in my heart seemed to grow as my tears came out like rivers.

"I'm sca...red mum,I'm scared that the way my frie...nds left.....left me and the way I lost my....my job, I'm scared that my fa..mily will also say they don't need me any....more.i'm sc...ared you all will leave me the way they left and you will for....sake me the way they did.because I am useless and worthless."I cried as I placed my second hand to my heart trying to suppress the pain I felt,the pain of losing them one day.