Hyung (HeeJayWon short story) ✔

Chapter 25

Jungwon

I am now face to face with Heeseung hyung but the atmosphere is totally different from our precious meet up as this Time, there is an invisible wall between us. We're here alone in this one room yet it feels like he's on the other side of the building next to this hospital.

From the way he asked me if I have feelings for Jay gave me the impression that he is already aware of it. I don't even know what to reply. Because even I know that I am really in love with Jay hyung. I can't tell him, especially in this situation. I also care for them you know.

I just stood there as we just stare at each other's faces. How can I be heartless? I fell in love with the man he loves and he's already in this state?  I can see him holding back from calling me a heartless monster.

"I hate you. . . do you know that?"

"I can literally see it on your face. . . don't worry, I understand you"

"You don't and will never be. . . I hate you because you matter to the one I love with all my life. . "

"Yeah . .  I matter to him but you have him. Sounds fair to me."

Is he saying it is my fault? It's my fault Jay hyung give a shit about my being?

"Yeah.   . I have him but only in label. .  in title. . . I never really have him fully. . "

I was shut down immediately.

"I know he loves me but never did I matter to him as much as you do. . . for him to call you his lifeline, I can literally see the distance of his love for me and for you. . . I never once did made him sleep well . .  he still wakes up in the middle of the night. . . but when he comes home, he always mention how he had the best sleep in your arms. . . I'm not hurt because you're his brother but now, I began to see everything in a different way and I question my place in Jay's life. . . do you know that?"

I didn't notice the tears that fell on my face after he finished speaking.

I never realized he was feeling this way towards me, towards us. Have I really been so selfish that I never thought of his feelings as the boyfriend?

"I'm his boyfriend. . and that's it. He takes care of me because he's my boyfriend. . . I feel betrayed. . . I can literally die for him if I'm asked to Jungwon.  .   . but I am dying alone, because he will not do that for me. . . he will do it for you . . "

"How dare you question Jay's love for you. .  Is that your basis of love Heeseung? If the person dies for you he loves you? That's how you see their love for you? Because if so then you're really unlucky because you didnt see how Jay loves you .  . . . yes I'm his lifeline. . . he said that? yes. . but did you really think Jay just is with you because you're his boyfriend? He's with you because of that stupid label? Jay is not like that hyung, I thought you knew that. . ."

"I never experienced it Jungwon. . . lucky you"

"You never experienced because you kept seeing things on the other side. . . if he got you flowers, instead of feeling appreciated, you immediately disregard his kind gesture just because you began to think "did he got Jungwon the same flower🤗?". why can't you just accept the fact that he loves and values you? Why can't you just accept the fact that he's yours?"

"Because it's hard. . it's clear that he will choose you over me. ---"

"Jay hyung is not stupid to just leave one of us behind . . . he loves you and yes he loves me too, but differently. . . how he treats you is different from how he treats me. . . I just hope you see that and stop questioning his love for you because not only does it hurt you, it also hurts him. . . . don't be stupid and loose someone like him, someone whose ideal. . and FYI, if I love someone, I don't aim to die for them. ..  That is because I will live for them. . I won't question you for your decisions but I'm just saying"

I sat on the couch as I saw how tears fall from his eyes as he plays with his hands.

I really must leave.

To spare me the heart ache. And to let them have the happiness they deserve. I know as long as I am here, Jay hyung will not give his full attention to Heeseung hyung.

Jay

The meeting was longer than I expected. It went well and the partnership and investment was signed and sealed so the only thing left for me to do is to go back to the hospital.

I enter my office and notice the folder still left unopened on my table.

Curiosity made me step forward and open it.

My regret was over the roof when I saw the content of the folder.

This is the one the doctor has been talking about in the hospital. The latest result of Heeseung's test. It stated how the cancer is impossible to cure and the only medicine they gave him are painkillers to at least lessen his pain while they wait for it to end, forever.

This is what Sunoo mentioned Heeseung threw away upon reading. The paper he does not want me to see. The paper that now holds his life.

I should've opened this a long time ago. Why didnt I open this before?

If only I knew.

I can't help but let go of everything I am holding and let myself fall on the floor as I feel literally drained with everything.

What on Earth did I do in my past life to experience this shit? Because I am sure that will be the worst crime imaginable. 

I was knocked out of my misery when I realized this is not the time to be dramatic.

I ran outside the building and immediately drove to the hospital. When I got to Heeseung's floor, I was halted when I saw Jungwon standing outside the room with his phone, he's talking with someone.

I am about to interrupt but I was interrupted instead with the words that he spoke.

"Yes Mom thank you . . I will come back to pack some of my things  . . thank you. I will definitely start new in USA. . I hope so . . thanks . I just hope Jay hyung won't find out, he's going through a lot---"

"Then why will you leave when you know I am going through a hard time? . . . do you have any idea what that will do to me Won? . . I am almost crazy now, . . "

I couldn't hold back anymore.

Seriously, what did I do in my past life to deserve this curse of people leaving me?

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