I Can Help You -Kamiiida-

Chapter 14

Kaminari's Pov

I wake up slowly, my head feeling as though it's about to explode as I sit up. For the first time since getting here, I look around, taking in my surroundings. I almost immediately relax as I realise where I am. I'm back at the cliff. I take a deep breath of sea air and lay back on the grass. I stare at the sky, watching the clouds float through the sky. As peaceful as this situation seems, I can feel the small ball of anxiety jittering about inside me, making my stomach turn causing a nausea sort of effect. I wish it would go away because right now I just need everything to stop. The anxiety in my stomach, the dark thoughts in my head everywhere I go. My anxiety has been mostly covering it up while I've been trapped in that building with Shigaraki and the others but my depression was still there. The dark thoughts still making themselves known every now and again. I sit up again and crawl over towards the railing, wanting to watch the waves crashing against the cliff like I usually do. I reach my hand out to grab the railing and steady myself but as my hand gets closer to the railing, little sparks of lightning start flickering at the tips of my fingers. My heart drops as I remember what Shigaraki did to me. I pause, not sure what would happen if I touched the railing. I take a breath and hold it, closing my eyes as I put clamp my hand around the bar. I wait a few seconds, expecting something to happen but nothing comes. I wait a second longer, still half expecting a shock or something. I half open one of my eyes to see what happened. huh... I open my eyes normally and examine the railing. At a glance, nothing has changed, the railing is fine and my quirk had no effect, however, looking a little closer there are teeny tiny little sparks flying off of the railing. something tells me that if I didn't have the quirk i have, or perhaps if Shigaraki didn't change me, I would be able to feel the electricity flowing through the bars on the railing. Or maybe it's because I'm the one putting the electricity into the railing that I can't feel it. I'm not sure but either way it doesn't matter. My head hurts thinking about it. 

'That's just because you're too stupid for your own good.'  

I almost jump out of my skin as the voice still in my head, which being honest I forgot about up until now, makes its presence known. I roll my eyes. "Oh... Yea, I forgot about you. Why do you have to be such an asshole? Why can't we just kinda, y'know, get along? You are in my head after all." The voice in my head laughs. 

'Where's the fun in that? I don't get to tease you if we're friends. Plus, I just don't like you, you make out like I chose to be in your head.' 

"You're making out like I want you up there! I can't even get 5 minutes of peace anymore without you butting in, telling me I'm stupid or some shit. You don't need to do that y'know, I've been doing that myself for the last few years, thanks."

'Yea, I know. It's so depressing. Stop it! because you're ruining my fun by not giving a shit.' 

I smile. 

"Yea, well, I don't care if I'm ruining your fun. You're ruining my life." I sigh as the voice carries on talking in an attempt to irritate me further. I've learnt to block it out to some extent but right now, I'm too exhausted to bother. I push his pointless arguing to the back of my mind and listen to the sea. It's calming. I feel a single tear roll down my cheek. Despite the calm, all I want to do is cry. It feels like so long since I was last here, when everything felt like it was falling apart and my only real problem was not knowing how to talk to Iida. Besides my crippling depression and anxiety fucking up my head. I wish it was back like that again, back then seemed at least a little easier than now because at least I had Iida. I let my tears fall freely for a few minutes before deciding I need to go back to the UA dorms. I dry my cheeks, quickly, and stand up. I know my way back from here. I walk fairly quickly back to the dorm rooms, wanting to find someone familiar and let them know I'm aright. I walk into the building but no one is in here. There's no one downstairs and I can't hear anyone nearby. I walk further into the dorms, towards the kitchen to look at the clock on the wall, seeing as I can't find my phone. It's just after 5 in the morning. I sigh, slightly relieved to know that everyone is probably just sleeping and not gone forever. My head is pounding. I start walking up the stairs towards my room. I remember the interaction between me and Shigaraki earlier on. I barely even had to touch him and I zapped him and knocked him out. What's going to happen if I try to touch any of my friends? Will I be able to hug anyone? All I've wanted while I've been trapped is to hug someone I know and for them to tell me everything is okay. My heart sinks a little as I realise I might hurt one of my friends. I don't want to hurt them. I reach the third floor after what seemed like an exhausting amount of time. I walk, slower now, towards my room. I pause for a moment outside Iida's room. He'll probably be asleep at this time. I want to knock, I want him to be awake, I just need somebody right now. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try... I walk closer to his door and raise my hand to knock. I pause for a moment, unsure what would happen if I did. I take a breath and knock on his door.