Guilty As Syn

XIV

|Denial|

"Let me know if you need me." Fiona stood in her doorframe, as I came to retrieve my clothing I left last night.

"I will." I nodded, beginning to turn on my heels to head to my car.

"Wait—Syn." She called out. "Don't play with his heart okay? He's been hurt too many times— So if this isn't really what you want, then end it." She begged referring to Rahim.

Again, I nodded.

I got into my car and begun making my way to my house. Once again letting my thoughts run rampant.

I was too deep into whatever "this" was to turn back now. On the other hand I didn't know what to expect.

I planned on getting a divorce, but even afterwards what next? Did Rahim see a future with me? Or was I just something convenient for him?

Last night was eventful to say the least, but it was sex. Was it all that our relationship was based upon to him? What if it was lust clouding his judgement and not love?

Did he truly love me?

Did I truly love him?

Or were we both in over our heads?

How would we even be a "we", he was still my client.

But I was willing to take that risk before, as we did many times last night and again in the morning.

I blushed just thinking about it.

Was I in love with him?

Thinking of him, made my heart race.

I did love him, didn't I?

I wouldn't of said it, if I didn't mean it. People say a lot of things they don't mean, in the heat of the moment.

Not me though, not with love.

It took me forever to say it with Terrance, Rahim was different. In the best ways possible.

I was worried, if he said it in the heat of the moment. Then I'd be the one looking foolish. I needed him to mean it, I'd be devastated if he didn't.

This was quite a gamble, I had all my chips on red praying that I'd hit the jackpot.

Otherwise, I'd end up losing everything.