This Rose Bleeds

Chapter ~Twenty-One~

.:~* NATHAN *~:.

Just kill me now.

I wiped away the tears that threatened to cascade over and ran out of math before Ryder could stop me. He's been hounding me all day, but when I caught his eye before class, he looked away first. Like there was too much in his brain and he couldn't make sense of anything. I took advantage of the fact he had trouble processing his emotions. He must have told Marcus, because he was also trying to track me down.

A few weeks ago, I thought Mr. Stevens had driven my life as off course as it could get, but now? It was worse. I'm hurting him, the person I want nothing more but for him to stay by my side.

Despite that, I ended the tutoring. I told Ms. Richmond straight up and she tried to talk me out of it, but I knew that was out of the question.

But money I was getting from tutoring was what helped me get almost enough for payday, so without it, I stood no chance at reaching the set day in two weeks. I was finished if I didn't get a new job.

When school ended, I bolted.

.:~* RYDER *~:.

He was just playing a huge, sick joke and was lying. I knew he could hide things pretty well, but...what he said, it tickled me wrong. Nate wouldn't have said that, at least the Nate I knew and loved.

My heart was shattered. He wouldn't look at me, he called me the very word he couldn't stand hearing. He recoiled at my touch. Even if he was lying, I must have done something. I must have hurt him, or done something he wasn't ready for.

"He called me a fag." I whispered for the nth time to Marcus. He rubbed his face with his hands and groaned.

"But...Ryder, I seriously don't believe that Nathan, of all people, could turn on you like th–"

"He said it was a lie. He said he wanted my money. This morning he..." I shook my head in disbelief. It hurt simply saying it.

"I think something's going on. I don't believe it."

"He said so! You don't believe me? He cussed, he called me a fag, he...he..." I punched my bedroom wall. I tried to quell the anger that was burning up inside. It wasn't at Nathan, how could I be angry at him. But I didn't know where it was coming from.

"Dude!" He ordered. He scratched his head and closed his eyes. "Ryder, I believe you when you say he said all that stuff. What I don't believe is that he said he would be your boyfriend, then dump everything down the drain the next morning."

"It doesn't make sense." I muttered. "Because if he used me–" I stopped. He wasn't like that. But he was so convincing. It wasn't fair that he could lie so well to my face. It wasn't fair that he wasn't relying on me. Again and again, I replayed the way he yanked away from me and called me disgusting. "Either way. He doesn't want me by his side. Stay with him, please Marcus? Just watch over him when I'm not there. He still needs someone during school. I need to find out if he was telling the truth. Even if I get mad, stay by his side, okay? I gotta go."

I slammed the door on my way out.

"Ryder!" Marcus shouted after me but I ignored him. I needed to think. I didn't understand what I was feeling or thinking. I was mad that Marcus could so easily believe Nathan was lying, whereas I can't. He wasn't there. He didn't see Nathan's reaction. It's better this way. I can't be by his side half-heartedly like this.