Chapter ~Twenty-Nine~

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.:~* RYDER *~:.

I turned page after page in the yearbook. Stupid, you're supposed to be forgetting about him. But the guilt wouldn't stop making fluttering motions in my stomach. I didn't see him at school today.

Finally I turned the page and found the people who's last name started with S. One more page later and I found his picture.

Nathan Strauss. His hair swept across his face. He wasn't smiling. On some level, it looked like this boy was incapable of showing any expression. On another level, he looked close to tears. I brushed my thumb over the face void of everything. I brought the book closer to my face and scanned it over until I picked up every detail. The sweater pulled tight around his neck. The light shadows under the eyes. The mat of hair. I noticed a shadow under one of the eyes, and for a second I figured it was from his hair. But after further thought, I didn't dismiss the idea of a bruise.

Suddenly I had a weird idea. I kneeled in front of my bed and from under it I pulled out my other yearbooks. I chose the one from freshman year. I rolled my eyes at my goofy face. Nice picture Ryder. I found his picture and frowned.

Messy hair. Insecure posture. Sad eyes. No smile. This irritated me. I grabbed other older yearbooks. Eighth grade. Seventh grade. Sixth grade. He looked the same. Sad. Lost. Alone.

Fifth grade looked weird. He still looked sad. But he also looked scared.

I didn't even know we've been going to the same school since elementary. I've never heard of him before this year. Our school was huge, but was that possible?

I didn't even want to look at his fourth grade picture. It would just look the same. Little Nathan getting smaller and smaller with a decreasing glint of light in his eyes.

I found Strauss in the yearbook. And he was smiling.

I unintentionally sighed in shock. Hell, he was adorable. He was smiling this childish, knowing smile. A dimple marked one side of his face. I could just imagine the moment. He would see his friends in line behind the photographer, watching, trying to make him laugh. He would bite his lip and mumble at them to stop, before looking back at the camera and grinning like the perfect child.

Comparing that picture to the others, it was hard to believe it was the same person.

Finally I forced myself to forget the idea and shut all the yearbooks, returning them to under the bed.

My phone rang and I looked at the caller.

'Nathan' flashed on the screen. My jaw dropped and my heart stopped. He was calling me? What does he want? I took ten seconds of deep thought before a surge of emotion flowed through me. I pressed answer.

"Hello?" I said.

Unexpectedly there was no answer. I glared at the wall in front of me. "Hello?"

I heard breathing so he was obviously there. My teeth clench. This didn't make sense. Fuck. I don't want to hear his voice.

I moved my finger to the end button.

"Ryder..." A voice finally came through. I tensed up.

"Nathan?"

There was silence. I bottled all the emotions running through me. I will wait. Whatever he wanted to say, I will wait.

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