This Rose Bleeds

Chapter ~Twenty-Five~

AN: Hi everyone! I hope you are all doing well and hanging in there. Remember to relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw, relax your eyebrows, breathe, and drink water!

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.:RYDER:.

Damn it. Damn it all.

I didn't know what to do.

I had thought, how dare he! After what he did, even after I defended him when Jonah tried telling me that he's been with another guy before, he just...he just came over and was ready to play Mattson! In my house!

That crossed the line. I got so mad, and I was ready to punch a whole through the wall. Or Mattson would do.

I snapped. I was the one that hurt him this time. I failed to control myself. Whether he was telling the truth or lying, I was supposed to bear with it and keep it together.

I meant everything except what I said about his dad. I internally cringed at myself. I didn't mean it. I'm the worst.

Why did I say that about his dad? How could I have said he should have died so we wouldn't be in this position now? No one, no one should be told that! Yet I did.

Then he slapped me. Nathan slapped me.

And it hurt inside and out. I wish he hit me again and again. I deserved it.

But then I would remember what he did. And why he was here. And the irrational anger would come back. The hate.

"I'm sorry." It felt like there was so much more behind those words, and so much he was thinking and wanted to say. But that's all he could say.

It felt like he was saying he was sorry for being alive.

Then he left. I felt shocks when his shoulder touched mine.

Nathan, what happened? How did it come to this?

"You fucker." My head snapped to the side and I groaned, holding my hand to my jaw. I glared at Mattson rubbing his fist with a murderous glare on his face.

"What the hell bastard?" I swore. The storm in his dark eyes lit up and he jabbed a finger at my chest and shoved his face close.

"Me? You are the bastard here. I was the one making a move on him. But you know why I stopped? Because he wouldn't let me. Because he was scared. Because he's going through something fucking terrible, and he would never touch anyone but you! Because he loves YOU! I don't give a flying fuck what happened between you two. You are the asshole. You are a dick, but you still need to grow some balls and face him because you are obviously misunderstanding something."

With that Mattson shoved past me, muttering, "I quit."

In a minute I heard the front door slam. My lips were parted in shock and I swear I could hear the pounding of my heart.

I wasn't misunderstanding anything.

But then he...why Nate...Marcus...Mattson...why...DAMN IT!

There were too many thoughts coming through my head! It was too confusing. If he wanted out I was going to let him. He didn't have to go this far. This is the end of it. We were over. It was all over. I shouldn't think about it any more. His games are none of my business.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror across the room. The red mark he gave me was slowly fading.

I don't care anymore.