VESSELS UNKNOWN

FOURTEEN

Still lost in my thought, dad's voice jolted me back to reality,
       "Are you still there Unique?"
       "Ah, ....... yeah." Came the sound out of my mouth.
        "You must ignore your mother's latest actions. You know how she is. Just don't let it get to you. Okay?" I didn't respond.
         "We just needed to know that you are okay dear." He continued, his tone full of care and concern.
           "I' m fine Dad," I swallowed hard. My emotions were building now.
           "I love you." His voice broke.

He was fighting back tears. Dad always wanted a happy home but got a wrestling court instead.
I wanted peace too, to be loved by mum and my siblings. But I knew that was a pipe dream. It would never happen.
             "Love you too. Can I go Dad? I'm at this church thingy." I said, waiting for a favorable response.
            "Church?" He asked, surprised. "Never knew you had become religious.
           "I am trying Dad. I am trying to find peace."
            "Oh dear, I completely understand. But, be careful.  Darkness comes in different shades." He went silent for a second.

I could still hear his quiet breathing on the phone. I waited to let him say more, but he stretched out the silence.

          "Not to worry Dad. I'll try to be careful. Talk later?" I asked, waiting to hear affirmation from his own side.
        "Okay my dear, may the sun and moon favor you." He declared as he always did.
    A muffled 'Amen' escaped my mouth as a click sound beamed on my phone, ending the call.

            Exasperated by that call, I drew in multiple breaths to stay calm but it was useless. I walked in place, counting my steps as I walked, but that didn't help. 
My feet pounded on the  bare ground releasing dust into the atmosphere. I was raging, my emotions were escalating.
Running my fingers through my braided corn rows. I spun myself in circles, hoping the wind could soothe my pain. Yet, I failed again.
   
             As the rain of tears  began to wash my face, I used the back of my hand to wipe off the frequent downpour.
Tears were not really my thing, but every time my parents called, it reminded me how alone I was in this world. I tried harder to tether my emotions but it ended up in a muffled cry.

I sat down under a shed of the mango tree across the church and willed my mind to calm.
My heart constricted with every attempt to initiate calm.  My lungs  gulped air as fast as it exhaled it, my panic attack was returning after many years.

I willed for my body to calm again, then it began to gradually yield. I stayed there for few more minutes, focusing on the sound of the wind.

        An image of someone watching me from the east entrance of the church caught my eye. I squinted to see who the culprit was.
Of course, No other person than Jacob.  The sight of him irritated me so much so I shivered from another dose of stinging anger.

I tried again to focus on other things but he watched me like a hawk.
      "By the moon, I swear, this boy better be ready to inform me of any covenant we share today. Or, I will go berserk on him if he lacks any useful explanation." I muttered.
The anger had become like a lake of fire, consuming all of me. Possessed by rage, I sprang to my feet  and marched towards him.

Unfazed by my movement, he kept his eyes trained on me as I made my way towards him, his fingers stroking his face in confidence.
Unperturbed by his intimidating look, I matched up to where his stood, my every step filled with an unusual strength.

My entire body vibrated with anger that words were difficult to come out. All I wanted was to fight or hit  at something until blisters formed on my hands.
The urge to release my pain was overwhelming. Nothing could tether it.
A twenty four year bottled up anger was roaring itself to the surface, and I wont be doing a thing to stop it.

       Snapping my fingers, I zoomed in on my prey. Few feet away from him, I shouted.
       "Why are you stalking me?" He simply stared.
My jaw twitched as I waited for an answer.  
       "Suddenly deaf?" I quickened my steps, making sure we stood a breath away from each other.
His smiley face turned up my anger a notch. He was flawlessly calm.
        "What's your thing with me? Can't you just leave me alone?" I continued barking like a wounded dog.
At this point, my body had become a wreck from an unknown power surge. Simmering anger was quickly taking over me.
He stood there eyes closed, face to the wind, his lips moved silently. The cool late afternoon breeze made his hair sway in a confused fashion.

Finally, he spoke. His voice was too low to be heard. But I heard him clearly like a cool breeze on my face. I shook it off immediately, numbing the peace.
        "Breathe." He said quietly.
I rolled my eyes in disgust. What stupid nonsense!  I had howling demons that needed to be unleashed,  and here he was coaching me on how to practice breathing exercises.
    "This isn't a breathing matter. I need to know why you are almost everywhere I am!" I stood there waiting for the one answer that could save his life.
Silence was all I got, his eyes still closed. Slowly, His forehead wrinkled, he pulled his chin down and looked way. Then, he began to step away from me.