Unofficial First Girlfriend

CHAPTER 25

I let Sabrina read a few more entries from my diary, and I watched her expressions change. Her eyes would widen at some parts she wasn't too comfortable knowing about, and she would smile at the ones she found cute.

"But you never made out since you gave birth?"

"Just a few kisses."

"Did you two have s—you know. Uh..." she stammered, and I knew she wasn't comfortable saying the word. "Slept..."

"We never did anything past the third base."

I noticed her fingers move. She was mentally counting and analyzing what the bases were for.

"You never hit the home run. So, you just made out and explored..."

I laughed. "Yup, we never did. I never slept with him until last night."

"WHAT?" she shrieked, causing my shoulders to stiffen a little. "You had—"

I raised a finger to shush her. "You don't have to say the word. I know you can't. Yes, we did."

"B-but...why? How?"

"You're seriously asking me how?" I joked.

"I don't need visuals," she laughed, holding her head. "I just mean, I can't believe it. I thought you just... how did it happen? I'm asking about how it began leading to the—"

"Climax?"

"I was going for the main event," she replied, and we both laughed. "And why am I excited about this story?"

I told her about how Nick came over and the lame conversation, and then the hug. "He made me feel safe like he always did."

"Like when?" she asked, demanding an example.

"Like during our junior year when we had a field trip in an amusement park and we went in the horror house. He held my hand, and I just felt safe."

"How did I not know about this? Are we even classmates before?"

I smiled. "The two of us were at the back of the line. You and Bryce were in front of us, and I saw how you grabbed Bryce's arm then he interlocked his fingers with yours. That was cute," I teased her.

She pressed her lips together and blushed. "I remember that."

"How come you both waited until the last few months of our senior year to admit you like each other and officially date?"

"How come you and Nick never dated each other?"

Fair question.

But I knew the answer to that one. We never dated because he never asked me. I would've said yes if he did. Not necessarily because I love him. I liked being around him.

"Now what?" she asked.

I told her about what Nick told me when he left. It was still bugging my mind. I didn't want last night to be something that never happened. It was our first and it wasn't a drunken mistake. It wasn't even a booty call. I shuddered from all the thoughts in my mind.

"Why do you sound disappointed?" she asked. "I thought all your make-out sessions were about having fun?"

"It used to, until last night."

She narrowed her eyes at me again and placed the diary on top of the table. "Somehow I'm not convinced."

"What are you talking about?"

"There must be something else. I mean all those years... It's not just about the physical—"

"How can you make it sound less sexual and more scientifical?"

She smiled bashfully and began explaining again. "I just think both of you are emotionally attached. And not just because you're best friends. You're more than that. You just didn't have a label."

I shook my head in protest.

"Last night wasn't a booty call."

I gave her a mischievous smile. "So, you do know what that is. But Nick was on his way home last night."

"You don't know that for sure. Maybe he was just driving around and stalking your house."

I wanted to believe what she said. I wanted to believe that Nick wanted to see me for no reason other than he wants to see my face and spend time with me. But I also didn't want to give myself some false hope, besides, it was kind of a stupid idea when I analyze it.

"Sab, he said that last night didn't happen. That means it meant nothing to him."

"But he made you feel safe, and that counts for something. Not everyone can make you feel safe. Maybe he only said that because he knows that you're having a rough time with Clark and didn't want to add up to your stress."

That was possible, but I still didn't want some false hope.

"Last night was, as you would call it, physical."

She scrunched up her nose and shook her head. "I'm not buying it. I still think something is going on. You told me everything and did not expect me to root for the two of you? Bryce and I are overrated. We should be shipping you and Nick..."

"But?" I asked. It was one of the sentences you knew there was a follow-up contradicting statement.

"But you're both in a relationship with someone else. On the upside though, Nick and Shine haven't been in the most stable relationship. So, there's a slim chance for my 'Nick and Mace' ship?"

"I wish," I murmured and sighed. "But it's not easy and—"

"You did a lot for Nick. Probably more than his other girlfriends. And he was always there for you through the years. Do you love him?"

Nick and I never loved each other. Or at least, we never exchanged, I love you. I never openly admitted that I love him. Not even to myself. All I knew was I was hurt when he was hurting. I was happy whenever I see him. And when everything else falls apart, it was Nick whom I want to be by my side.

"Things get complicated when feelings are involved. So why would I complicate our situation?"

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I don't know, Sab. I like having him around. He's a great best friend and things are much easier that way. Again, feelings are messy. Do I really have to emphasize that?"

"I won't give up my tiny hope that there's more to the two of you than just being friends."

I gave her a tiny smile. To be honest, I wasn't expecting her to be this hyped about me and Nick. And it felt good talking about all these Nick stuff that I had kept to myself in more than a decade. I was thankful that somebody understood me. But it wasn't enough to calm me down.

"How many times did you do it?" she asked, making me burst into laughter. I wasn't expecting her to ask such things.

"Twice..." I made a slight pause before continuing, "Last night and this morning."

"What?" she asked, holding out her palms. "I should probably refrain from asking questions."

"Good idea," I agreed. "But hey, all jokes aside, thank you, Sab."