Love Last Fall

part 7

By the time she was finished, she felt cold tears that she was unaware of prickling down her cheeks. A stone expression dominated James' face as he stared at her in a way that she couldn't tell what was on his mind, a blank canvas of possibilities. Yet his eyes told a different story, sad and tragic.

His strong arms pulled her into his chest, pulling her closer and closer to him as he kissed her head and nested his head in her shoulder.

She wasn't supposed to find out this soon. Somehow the universe ruined his plans of sheltering his future wife of the pain that was their future until later, when he would reveal his plan in hopes of not losing her forever.

He'd seen how she reacted to Peter being a death eater. How salty tears streamed down her face as she expressed her hate for the cheat of a boy.

What she didn't know, was that James himself was covered in the darkness. It surrounded him. Tried drowning him with it's current. But instead of hiding away from his hidden desires of the terrible power he could obtain, he swam in it, bathing in the waters of sin.

"I want to protect him, our baby. I want to protect us, James," she whispered in his ear, words laced with strength. "I will do whatever it takes."

"We will do whatever it takes," he brushed her hair away from her face with his hand and looked ahead, out of the window and into the forest.

"I made a terrible decision, sweetheart. It's so terrible that I cannot bring myself to regret it."

Confusion stirred inside her stomach as a hundred anxious spiders made their webs in her gut. "What did you do?"

He rolled up his sleeve slowly, too slowly, pressing his hand against a reptilian symbol engraved in his arm. Lily gaped at it, eyes widening in realisation.

"What the-"

"It wasn't my idea initially," he interrupted, pulling away from her and gesticulating calmly with his hands. "Lily, I would never join them just for the sake of it like Peter! It was Dumbledore's order, he knew what would happen to us, he knew!" Anger built up in him as he hopped off the bed, beginning to pace once more.

His reaction made sense now. He knew about it already and didn't even bother to tell her. Let alone about the gross tattoo of oath he carried on his forearm. But Dumbledore? What did he have to do with this?

"And you didn't even bother to tell me!" Lily glared at him, piercing him with a lunatic gaze of the hurt she felt at his chosen silence. She stood up from the hospital bed, ignoring the pangs she got from her bandaged head.

Surprise and hurt flashed in his eyes. He miscalculated her reaction because he never would have expected for her not to understand. James tried embracing the fuming girl but she pushed him away rougher than intended.

"Lily I was going to tell you I just had to make sure it was safe to do so! It's not that simple!" He intended the words to soothe but they fired up more rage within the girl.

"Really?" She asked in mock surprise. "I found out that I will carry your child and then die at 21!" She felt tears well up in her eyes again. "Then I got kidnapped by someone I thought to be my friend but oh there's more James!" The tears were spilling faster than ever now.

"You are a death eater and you didn't even bother to tell me," she wiped a single tear from her face with her sleeve, sniffling quietly. "What else are you hiding, James? I thought we were in this together..."

This time she didn't stop the boy from hugging her and instead melted into him, crying into his sweater.

After Lily's tears stopped coming and all that was left was puffy red eyes, James spoke. "We are in this together. I never wanted you to know because I thought you were safer if kept in the dark for now. I was wrong."

"You were."

"I were. I was so so wrong and I am sorry. From now on I will always tell you the truth. No matter how ugly and wretched." He held her tightly, begging for forgiveness as though she was about to slip away.

"Let's start with the first," she whispered, glancing up at him.

"The first?"

"The first truth that you hid from me."

He cupped her face, looking deep into her emerald eyes. "I know how to stop the sea of tragedy and darkness that is our fate," he bit his lip anxiously. "The only way, is to dive in."