its faded...

The beginning

Months have passed by and each day my love for Divine was getting bigger and each day my stomach turned into knots from thinking about my life, I decided to drop out of school officially and luckily the teachers understood my situation, they offered me shelters but who would do that, I always woke up with the same dream, falling into a world where bad wasn't in the vocabulary it was awesome , I felt alive, I felt happy, I felt loved, I felt help , I felt kindness, I felt like I was free and everything soon changed when suddenly I would fall into a black hole and here we were. Divine and I have gotten to know each other, she comes everyday after school, even though I don't say it I'm really grateful for her kindness and it's still a little confusing for me to learn how to survive with my conditions. I got a job at a short farm shop, I do not get payed enough but it's the best I can do, no person wants to hire a poor 16 year old who's mother abandoned him. I later came home, I was a bit late than always, when I opened the door I froze, their stood Divine playing with my little brothers and shoes , clothes, toys, devices, I never had the chance to experience. "Divine? What are you doing here" I said, "I saw you at your job, and I immediately knew your brothers were alone, so I decided to  babysit them" She replied while playing with Tete, I couldn't hold it anymore and I immediately ran to my room, I broke down, I don't deserve any of this, I heard footsteps and I quickly wiped my tears and Stood up, Divine came in and she looked worried. "Did I do something to make you upset?" She asked, "no no it's just *sniff* I never got to experience any of this and i don't know I just felt overwhelmed" I replied, Divine came closer and quickly hugged me, "I know it's tough but you'll make it, I promise.." she said while looking at me, I don't know what happened but I just kissed her... She pulled back and said "I-I have a boyfriend" , "I-I'm sorry I didn't mean it I don't know what I was thinking I Just I don-" , I felt my lips on hers again, this time we both kissed back, she had her hands on my shoulders and I had my hands on her hips , It felt like paradise.  The kiss went on for about 5 minutes and finally we looked at each other again, she started to blush and quickly left the room . It has been 4 months ever since we kissed, except Divine hasn't came back.. I went back to my shift and realized I had extra hours so I wouldn't be home until 1:00 am . I worked and worked and worked and worked until finally my shift was over, I went home but the door was unlocked..I stepped in and my heart dropped. There I stood watching my own little brothers bodies laying on the floor blood dripping off their bodies, their toys covered with blood, their clothes soaking , and their faces demolished, I screamed, I ran to their bodies, "TETE CARLOS???!!!!" I shouted, No answer , " PLEASE PLEASE WAKE UPPP PLEASE GUYS!!!!" I cried, I heard someone behind me, Divine..There she stood scared, worried, mixed feelings.. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" She shouted, " WHAT DID I DO?" I shouted back, she quickly grabbed her phone and dialed 911, few minutes passed and she looked at me dead serious and not even talking, I left, I saw police arrive but I couldn't bear the fact my baby brothers were murdered so I hid, Of course Divine found me, "Please tell me what you did"she said, "Divine I didn't do anything" I said, I explained what happened, "then how did they end up like that?" She said, "DIVINE I DONT KNOW , YOU CANT JUST EXPECT ME TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING? I TRIED I TRIED TO PROTECT THEM BUT I CANT, I HAVE NO PARENTS AND IM POOR DIVINE , OF COURSE YOU HAVE TO ASSUME I KILLED MY BROTHERS?!" I shouted in her face, she looked horrified, "I'm sorry" she said and quickly left, I screamed in pain, I'm alone for good.