Poetry

Letter to a Past Life

I wrote this as more of a letter and less as a poem. However, I think it has a bit of a poetic feel to it, so I think it still qualifies as poetry. I'm a senior in high school and I will graduate in a little over two months, so I wrote this as a little reflection over the last four years of my life. I hope you enjoy ;)

Dear little me,

If you are reading this, it means I'm gone, my time is up. I've moved onto bigger and better things. I've gotten older, but not much wiser. I still make mistakes, just like you. There are many things I wish I had done, and many I wish I hadn't. I wish I had been more outgoing. Ive talked so much, yet said so little. I've always been the one to hide in the back, my hair covering my face When the teacher told us to choose groups. I love the theater, but I wasn't the one who would strut across the stage aiming to be noticed, hoping the camera would "only capture my good side". I preferred to stay behind the curtains, under the cover of darkness, silently stitching a tear in the fabric or returning buttons to their place. I've always been there, but I've never really felt as though I belonged. That's probably my own fault though. When I wrote my college applications, I had no trouble finding things to say. They wanted every activity I've ever done, my grades, my test scores, my GPA. The stats were easy, but when they wanted to know who I was I blanked. Who am I? That's when I asked myself. Is that all I have to show for the last 4 years of my life? Am I nothing but a number on a page? Most people leave high school with a lifetimes worth of memories, but all Ill have to show is a piece of paper saying "you survived, congrats". I'm not a spoiled, entitled, lazy little princess, I just don't want my time to run out. I've always thought ignoring some of my responsibilities would make them vanish, they didn't. If anything, they overwhelmed me, turned me into a control freak whose only way to cope with life is to only rely on myself and ignore the world around me. And it worked for awhile, until now. Now that my time is done, I wish I had lived more. I wish I had rebelled a bit more.
Stayed out late with friends, went to parties, drove too fast with the windows down and the music cranked up so high I got angry looks from people on the street. I wish I hadn't been so afraid of rejection and disappointment that I forgot how to live. I regret many things about how I've spent the last four years. I wish I had spent more time being a kid instead of forcing myself to grow up too fast. I've been so terrified that I would screw up, I hate making mistakes. But one thing Ill never regret Is the friends I've made, the ones i hope will remember me for years to come, who will refer to me by name when they tell their kids stories about their childhood and not just as "this one girl in high school". When you read this, I hope you take it to heart and never follow my example. I hope you never give up on your dreams. Stay true to who you are, don't let anyone dull your sparkle. Go out, have fun, be rebellious (but not too rebellious). Dye your hair funky colors and don't listen if people tell you it looks like you got thrown up on by a box of crayola markers. Wear too much eyeliner, rock that pair of bright magenta tights that really doesn't match your outfit (not that anyone would tell you anyways). When it comes time to choose a career later on, Do what you love, not what you think is the safest option. But most of all, let go. Live, for me.

Love,
Emily