Her Secret Affair

Chapter 1

B: I just can't do this anymore. 

She typed. Her finger lingered over the send button, wondering whether she was confident that this time she would actually send it. Six months ago, Brianna's life made some sort of sense. She was in what felt like a stable relationship, living with her boyfriend of eight years with their 3-year-old son. "Boyfriend," she scoffed.

She had been dreaming of what her life would be like when she grew up since she was 10. She was supposed to be married by 25, with 2 kids by 30. Instead, at 31, she found herself as an unmarried mother of one. Joseph had grown so comfortable with their lives together that the prospect of getting married rarely crossed his mind. He was happy with the way things were. The routine they had settled into - going to work and taking care of their son, with little time left for them and their relationship. Brianna wanted more. Yes, she was a mother now, but that doesn't mean she had stopped being a woman. She felt that she was slowly becoming a shadow of the person she used to be.

But regardless of what she wanted, Joseph didn't deserve what she was doing to him. He was a great father to Nicholas and a good life partner. But Brianna missed the fire he used to arouse in her. She missed the excitement her life used to have. Their lives together as man and woman was starting to feel more and more like a very platonic relationship. Joseph was always tired, and as such, intimacy only reared its head very rarely. When it did, it was just to get it out the way and be done with it. She missed how they used to be at the beginning of their lives together. People always said that your sex drive decreased as you get older or after you have kids. But that wasn't the case for her, she still had a high libido and she still wanted to feel wanted. To be desired.

Send.

It's done. Frankie should receive the message any minute if he had an internet connection. She sat and stared at her phone, waiting for the second tick to appear in the Whatsapp messaging app. There it was. He has received the message, now he just has to read it.

Her anxiety started to kick in. She has tried so many times to put a stop to this. Each time she tried to speak to him, she failed. "This is why I've sent a text," she thought. Frankie's effect on her made her illogical and she didn't think straight. The way he wanted her drove her crazy. Why couldn't Joseph just want her like that?

She wished she could go back to that first night and undo everything. But life doesn't work like that. Instead, she found herself falling for someone she shouldn't have.

F: We need to talk about this in person

Frankie's response came through. "Shit. I cannot see him", she thought. All it takes is one touch from him. He knows that.

B: You know what happens when we meet. Nothing good will come out of it. We will end up back to where we started. And I really shouldn't do that anymore. I just can't.

Five minutes passed with no response. She started fidgeting with her hair. "Is everything ok, Brie?" Raising her head, she saw Joseph looking at her from across the room. She briefly wondered how long he had been standing there. "Yes, everything's ok. I'm just doing some mindless browsing online. It's been a long day at the office". The lie rolled off her tongue easily.

It terrified her how easy it had become to lie to Joseph. She never thought she was the kind of person to lie and cheat. Yet, this is what she has been doing for the past six months.

"Okay. Nicky is watching T.V., I'm just going to run to the shop quickly. We've run out of milk. Do you need anything?"

"No, thanks. I'll head to the living room to watch over that boy before he disappears" Brianna chuckled. With his grandmother's house on the same street, Nicholas was getting into the habit of just going over without saying anything.

She rolled off the bed, got out of the room, and went to take a seat next to Nicholas. She looked at him, his concentration on his cartoon, not paying attention to his mother. His wavy brown hair bounced each time he jumped up in excitement. At 3 years old, he was already taller than most kids his age. His brown eyes, exactly like his father's, shone brightly. He was the spitting image of his father. Only his lightly tanned skin was an attribute of his mother.

Brianna sat there, staring at her child, thinking of all the mistakes she's made. Being far from Frankie, she was always sane and logical. Thinking about the effects being with him may have on her son in the future. He loves his father, and she cannot imaging having him grow up in a broken home.

"Yes. I'm definitely not doing this anymore" she told herself.

"Mummy, you are being silly again," Nicholas giggled. She realized she spoke out loud. She smiled and stuck out her tongue at him while standing up from the sofa. Heading to the kitchen, she decided to start preparing dinner. It was already almost seven o'clock.

Feeling tired and emotionally drained from her long day at the office and the constant turmoil her fling with Frankie had on her, she decided to put together an easy meal with minimum fuss. Grateful that it was Friday, she pulled out the chicken thighs she had already put in the refrigerator this morning to thaw and looked around their kitchen. 

Together, Joseph and her had built a modest 3 bedroom home. The kitchen and living room were an open-plan area, separated only by an island in the middle of two rooms, a decision they took to minimize communication barriers. Over the years, they had spent so many nights talking to each other while she was in the kitchen preparing meals and he on his laptop in the living room wrapping up some unfinished work. When Nicholas was born, it provided a great view of watching him playing in the living room while she got busy in the kitchen. 

Looking at him now, Nicholas was sprawled out on the thick round carpet which occupied the center of the living room floor. The cream colour of the carpet was a stark contrast to both the dark grey l-shaped sofa bed and the wooden floorboards. They were obsessed with having as much natural light in the house as possible, resulting in them installing a wall-length folding door which they kept wide open every time they were home. While Joseph wasn't a plant person, Brianna made sure to put as many plants around the house as possible. The two corners of the living room next to the television had two tall vases with tall lucky bamboo stalks. Their green leaves provided a feeling of serenity amidst the chaos in her mind. She had a good life, she reminded herself.

"Joseph was a good man and she was lucky to have him in her life," she kept repeating to herself convincingly.