Incendiary

26. All the things I want to hate and conveniently long elevator rides

Okay guys (; I hope y'all like this one!!

Vote, comment, and idk what else y'all can do lol.

Play the song when you see (*) I honestly couldn't pick a song so if you wanna use a diff one, go ahead (:

18+ (maybe bc Idk what counts)

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Nova-

"Ready?" the driver asks after he sits down. I nod with a polite smile.

During the drive, I keep checking how I look on my phone and switch between the same three apps because I can't think and keep forgetting what I'm trying to find on my phone before realizing I'm not trying to find anything. I make the mistake of googling the event again and seeing all of these new articles. There are also some really good pictures of Theo out there. Not that I care. I definitely go through them, though.

The drive is kind of long, and the car's dark, aside from when we pass streetlights. To my surprise, we stop outside of an apartment building. The driver gets up and opens my door for me and before I get to question anything, I see Theo walk up to the car. This is probably another one of his apartments. I thank the driver.

I take the steps that close some of the distance between me and the guy I want to smack. I don't know how to stay away from him and I hate it. Even when I feel all the annoyance in the world towards him, I still want to be near him.

He's the one who couldn't find time to text me back or even call me on his own phone to tell me when I'd be picked up. He's also the only person I've thought about for the last two weeks. When we got closer, I realized how busy we both always were and even the smallest conversations could hold me over for days.

Even a quick text from him assured me that he didn't hate me. I know how dumb that sounds but I'm incapable of not overthinking when there's too much silence between me and someone else. To me, silence equals distance, and the more silence there is, the more distance there is.

I'm this way with everyone. It takes one wrong look from my barista for me to tip them double just so that they'll like me. To me, we just got rid of all the silence that surrounded us. Then, he went and ruined that. Now I'm back to not knowing where we stand. I keep thinking about if I did something wrong.

If I unknowingly said something during our last phone call to make him mad at me. I couldn't think of much. I guess not talking to me worked out in his favor because it made me feel so desperate. I drove myself insane because, in hindsight, it's not that bad. We don't have to talk even when I want to.

Two weeks isn't even a long time. So why did it feel like forever? I think I convinced myself I didn't like him. Now, I'm watching him approach me and I'm not sure how I could've believed myself. Screw the event, I think I've been more nervous about this.

The way it feels when he's so fucking close but I can't be for sure if he's genuinely here. I've gotten so good at this. At us. Or at least I thought I'd gotten good. Maybe, I did do something wrong. Perhaps he'd had some thoughts about me that made him not want to talk to me.

All of those thoughts slowly morphed into a subtle frustration that lingered on my skin. If he didn't have a damn good reason, I think I'd strangle him. He's wearing a crisp black suit with a white button-up with the first few buttons undone, showing the silver chain he always wears.

His hair, which had been longer with more texture when I last saw him, was shorter and tamer. It was pushed back like he had run his hands through it a few times. It still looks good. You're not still supposed to like guys when they cut their hair.