The Ride

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Emilia

When I saw that Aubrey had posted me on Instagram, I felt my anxiety shoot through the roof. I didn't even bother looking at the thousands of comments that were pouring in. All I could see were stomach rolls, love handles, enlarged breasts fighting to stay in my swimsuit and cellulite all over the side of my thigh.

I went back into the house, ran upstairs and into the bedroom. Hot tears started to roll down my cheek. Feeling my legs becoming weak, I sat down in the nearest accent chair and curled myself up into a ball.

I was feeling a whirlwind of emotions. Frustration, confusion- I didn't understand what was going on with me. Hopeless and helpless. I couldn't stand to look in a mirror. So disgusted that I wanted to throw up at the sight of me.

I can't even keep Aubrey's attention. My own husband. I hated everything. Everything but my baby. That's the only thing I've ever done right in this world.

A sudden impulse led me to stand up and tear away at my swimsuit until it was off and on the floor. Rummaging through Aubrey's clothes, I found the a shirt and sweats that I felt were oversized on me enough to hide every imperfection.

I grabbed a pair of scissors from a drawer in the bathroom, cutting and stabbing holes through the swimsuit until it was in shreds on the bedroom floor. I sat in its pile, holding the scissors in my hand unable to stop myself from crying.

My phone chimed with a text.

Trent: You're not alone in this. Don't forget that. I'm always one call or text away.

I wiped my eyes and started to reply. Even though I was embarrassed as fuck about what happened earlier, there was some relief and solace in knowing that he knew that I wasn't okay.

"Emilia? Em?"

Aubrey's voice called out to me as his footsteps quickly hit each step on his way up. I hurried to clean up the mess I had made, so I wouldn't have to explain anything.

By the time he entered the room, I was back in the accent chair with my knees pulled up to my chest.

"Hey, are you okay? Future said you were upset?"

"I'm fine."

"No you aren't. I can tell you've been crying. And why'd you change your clothes?"

"I was cold."

He sighed, rubbing his head, obviously frustrated with my short- less than detailed responses.

"Be honest Em. I feel like you aren't telling me the truth. What's going on? Is it something I did?"

Before I could respond, his phone started ringing. He answered, holding it out in front of him as the FaceTime call connected.

"Aye bro, I think the youngin needs a diaper change. She's kinda funky," I recognized Future's voice.

"Did you check her diaper? Sometimes she passes a lil gas that smells like she went but it's just a false alarm."

"Hold on...oh shit- naw bro it's an explosion in here and ain't none of it solid. Got damn girl. Where the water hose at?"

My eyes grew wide, but Aubrey jumped in before I could say anything.

"Don't hose my baby down," he chuckled, "I'm coming man."

"Aight."

Aubrey hung up, shaking his head and laughing at his friend's response to a stinky diaper.

"I'm gonna go change her and come right back...then we can talk?"

"Sure."

He leaned down, planted a kiss on my cheek and then my lips while cupping my face.

"I love you."

I nodded, forcing a faint smile, "I love you too."

When he returned, he lightened the mood by retelling the what happened with Future and Madison. From the mess he described, I started to panicked that my baby wasn't feeling well but he assured me that she was a smiles and giggles after daddy bathed and changed her.

He reached out for a hug, wrapping his arms around me snugly. This was my safe space. In the embrace of my best friend and lover. I took a deep breath and rested my head on his chest.

"Let's talk," he planted his lips on my forehead, "what's going on?"

"Babe, it's really nothing I can't handle-"

"Em, we ain't doing that. I'm not trying to be pushy or force you- but I know something isn't right."

I sat on the bed. He did the same.

"Fine," I massaged my temples, "I want plastic surgery."

"Huh?" he looked confused.

"I-I-I want plastic surgery."

"Um...uh," he stuttered, trying to process my statement, "okay. Okay. You know I support you with whatever you want."

"Is there something wrong with that?" I said in response to his awkward body language.

"Nothing. I uh- I just didn't expect to hear that from you. You've always been so pro being natural."

"Yeah but that was before having Madison. Everything about me has changed and...and I'm not happy with how I look," I admitted, "people on the internet praise my body but I don't like what I'm seeing."

"I get it. I do," he held both my hands, "Um, no yeah I can handle that Em. You know I'll pay for everything and get you the best doctor."

It wasn't the whole truth, by a long shot . Just a piece. But I just did what felt somewhat comfortable to get by his questioning.

"You know I love you regardless, but I support your decisions and I'll be behind you one hundred percent."

"Thank you," I forced a smile, "that means a lot to me."

He sighed and smiled, "now that that's out the way. Cheer up, baby. I'm all yours for the night. The guys can finish up downstairs and I asked Max to go on Uncle duty for us."

"Movie?"

"How about we watch Game of Thrones? We missed the last episode when we were in Vegas."

"Perfect."