The Ride

Chapter Twelve

Aubrey
Emilia: Aubrey, I'm not gonna continue to be immature by ignoring you. I'm feeling a lot of things right now. Anger and embarrassment being the most prevalent on top of emotions that I've been trying to manage before this situation occurred. You more than anybody should know that perception is reality in this business. We've been here before. Twice. With that being said, you should've been a little more cognizant of your actions and how they could possibly effect myself and your daughter, who is most important in all of this. Understand that I'm trying to enjoy the weekend with my brother and give him my all of love, attention and support while I'm here. I don't want this negative energy disrupting that. I've already had to silence my Twitter and Instagram so I could stop seeing the tags and mentions in the photos and blog post in real time. I'll talk to you when I'm ready. I need space. Call Owen when you want to talk to Madison.

I reread the text over and over. Mentally beating myself up as I headed to rehearsals.

Em had sent the text around three o'clock this afternoon, which was around 9:00 AM her time in Louisville. I'll admit that it had me fucked up. The words anger, embarrassment and space hit my chest like multiple daggers. Every part of me wanted to ditch all of this shit and get to Louisville as soon as possible, but business was forcing me to stay here.

If it wasn't for the fucking paparazzi, I wouldn't be dealing with this shit right now.

Waking up this morning didn't feel the same. I felt like shit. Physically from the weed and alcohol from last night, giving me a harsh hangover. Mentally, I was all over the place. Emotionally, I was forcing myself to keep it together. Knowing I had did some careless ass shit that was fucking up my personal life.

After barely sleeping last night, I reverted to the old habit of popping pills. I had to get some type of rest in order to function today-even if it was only just a couple hours of sleep. Thankfully, I had traveled prepared with some Xanax that I used to relax when flying.

I wanted to reply back and let her know how much I love her and how apologetic I was, but I know my wife. She ain't trying to hear none of that right now. I was gonna have to figure out something else.

This tour kicked off in four days and I was nowhere near being in the right headspace to be excited about it let alone focus in rehearsal. I just wanted to go back to the hotel, lock myself in my room, see my daughter and hope that Em would come around to at-least hearing me out.

Things that production was saying to me were going in one ear and out the other. My stage director was asking my opinion on things I could care less about at the moment. I really didn't even have an ear for my own sound like I normally did.

I decided to take a break and stood off to the side in the wings, scrolling through pictures in my phone. 95% of them being of Em and Madison.

31255575876: Good afternoon love

Aubrey: wassup?

31255575876: Working in my studio at the moment. Is there a good time for me to come get my things?

Aubrey: things?

31255575876: yes, my shoes and earrings lol

31255575876: that night was a little...wild. Totally forgot I left without them. 😉

Aubrey: I'll have someone from my team drop it off to u

31255575876: 🙁🙁🙁

Aubrey: ???

31255575876: I was hoping I could see you again

Aubrey: can't. Got a lot going on.