PR to Mrs Norris - Edited version

Barcelona

Molly

Being home for the past week hasn't been as relaxing as I had hoped it would be, I have been at the factory everyday so far this week. After the team meeting last weekend it has been much more of a team effort but Red Bull have been creating issues in the media and its partly my job to make sure that this team isn't pulled into disrepute on the internet. Social media has been an extremely toxic place to be as a member of the Mercedes team. George and Lewis have been told to go on social media with caution. We don't want them seeing the vile negativity that is currently being spewed. This is the darker side of socials that we do not get warned about enough. This all came about after a collision with Max and Lewis last weekend which the stewards deemed that they were both at fault but Redbull haven't taken that route, they fully blame Lewis. It's completely out of order and I will admit although I have never particularly liked Christian Horner he has gone even further down in my estimations. "Mols! It's time to go!" Lando shouts pulling me out of my thoughts, we are off to Barcelona today for the Spanish GP. Things have been awkward between me and Lando since last weekend as I still can't let him touch me how he used too and he is struggling with that. I know he is and its making me feel even worse about it. I shake my head throwing my backpack on my shoulder and I make my way down the stairs to see him waiting by our front door. I still haven't gotten fully used to calling this place home, we haven't been here enough to be able to fully make it our own.

We climb into the car and Lando gives me a glance from the drivers seat as I settle myself in and plug the seatbelt into his buckle. He hesitates before deciding to not speak at all and I know this is all stemming back from how awkward things got after dinner with Alex and George

We walk into the hotel lobby and I can tell that Lando has one thing on his mind, which didn't used to be a problem but we haven't done anything like that since my attack and I know I can't face the idea of being intimate yet. He traces his finger tips along the small of my back and I involuntarily shiver, but not in the good way like it used to be. He however seems to take this as a good sign as we step out of the lift and walk towards our hotel room. He hasn't spoken a word but I know what thoughts are running through his brain. I'm going to let him down, he is going to be disappointed in me.

He swings the door open and I follow him through closing it gently behind me, as I turn back around Lando is right there and my heart skips as I take in his features. I love this boy more than I could ever explain but right now I feel intimidated. He smiles softly at me before running his fingers down my cheek and I lean my head into his hand. He leans in and kisses me softly, patiently, waiting for my reaction. I pull him in closer and he deepens the kiss, I can feel the love and how different Lando is to anyone else in the world but I can't shake the uneasy feeling in my stomach, the one that crushes my excitement and desire for my fiancé. It's crippling, I pull away and he gives me a small grin and its the grin that I adore the most, cheeky yet his eyes are full of desire. My heart sinks as I know I'm about to ruin this moment and I can't help it, I'm not ready. I know he will completely understand but I have been pushing him away lately, it hasn't been helping us heal from before. "I can't" I whisper and the cheeky grin falls and I know what is going to happen "Okay" he tells me before walking into the bathroom. I drop to the floor wrapping my arms around my knees, and the silent tears begin to fall.

After a few minutes Lando comes back out and drops down in front of me pulling me into his arms "It's okay" he tells me kissing the top of my head softly. I know he is trying to comfort me but I can't take the coddling "Is it?" I ask with some anger in my voice "I can't be with you how I want to be, I can't be in the paddock without fear tingling in my spine, I can't look at myself in the mirror because all I can see are the bruises he left on my skin" I start to cry heavily "I know this is difficult and I'm so sorry that I wasn't there that day, I'm sorry that I didn't protect you like I promised" I shake my head "You promised and he still" I couldn't finish the rest of my sentence "You blame me?" He accuses and I shake my head "No, but I'm never going to be safe" he pulls away "I don't know how to help you Molly, you keep pushing me away and pretending like you are fine till we reach this point, I can't watch you suffer but you also aren't letting me help" he says in frustration "I want my whole life with you, that hasn't changed but we need to find a way to support each other through this" he stands up "I can't even pretend to understand but you aren't helping me so that I can support you" He looks at me and I know he wants what is best for me "I don't want to talk about it or think about it again" He shakes he head "You need to talk to someone or it's going to tear you apart, us apart"