burn || remus lupin

him

The water runs over my feet and trails up my legs, then down my legs and out to sea. A breeze of salt and seaweed washes through me, but I know I'm not alone.

"Hi," he says. I'm too afraid to look at him. Instead, I keep my eyes trained on the water, still sliding up my legs and then disappearing down the sand. My skin feels sticky with salt now, but there's no pain.

"Does this mean I'm dead?" I ask. He laughs a little.

"No," he says. "Not exactly."

I take a slow breath in and then turn to the side. He is exactly as I remember, messy brown hair that grows too long for her liking, skin tough as leather with wrinkle lines by his soft blue eyes, and a quiet smile that reaches through his entire face. He has on a sweatshirt and jeans, which are rolled up to his knees and soaked through at the bottom with ocean water.

"Hi, Dad," I say quietly. His smile grows a little through his lips but his eyes fall sadly.

"You're okay," he says, turning out to the water. "I was afraid you might not be. But you are."

"From the attack you mean?" I ask, he smiles and shakes his head.

"No," he answers. "In your life."

"Oh."

"You don't think so?"

I shrug. "I did just get sacrificed."

"That's not funny," he says with a small laugh that dies as quickly as it came.

He is quiet for a moment and I wonder if he is real. With the breeze shuffling through his hair, his fingers pressed into the sand, surely he can't be. The water races over my shins once more.

"I'm sorry about Ronan," Dad says softly. "I'm sorry he's not better."

"It's not your fault," I reply.

"A little," he argues. "I should be with you."

"That's not your fault either," I say.

"I suppose," he says, looking at me now as though I might run with the water. "But still."

"I miss you," I say, the words coming with a sharp blow to my chest that causes my eyes to well with salt from the sea.

"I know," Dad says. "But you're okay."

There is a loud cough to my left and I turn sharply to find that the beach has disappeared and in its place lies the hospital wing.

Everyone is there. Marlene and Peter are seated in plastic chairs along the back wall; Marlene is lighting and blowing out a match while Peter rolls a glass cup between his palms. Sirius has one of my tapes in his hands, his headphones surely on full blast. Lily and James are talking quietly by the door, James in his quidditch gear and both of them looking extremely worn out. Alice opens a window.

And Remus is sitting by a bed. His hair is flat and his eyes are empty and his hand is wrapped in one of mine, but not the version of me that can see him. He sniffs slightly and shifts in his chair so he is leaning against the back. He keeps my hand cradled in both of his, though, and he spreads my palm out flat, tracing my fingers before curling them up again.

"Would you eat, please?" Lily says to him shortly. He waves her off, his only focus on me and my hand.

"You're okay," Dad says, placing his own hand on my shoulder. "They have you. He has you."

"What if it's not enough?" I ask, turning back to the beach.

"It's enough," he says.

"What if I need you, too?" I ask.

"You don't," he says.

"What if I don't want to go back?" I ask.

"You do," he says.

I pause, my words caught in my throat like a water balloon, threatening to pop and spill through my body and out my eyes.

"What if I can't leave you?" I ask.

My dad smiles again, though it doesn't reach his sad and soft blue eyes. He pushes my hair away from my face and I can feel his skin on mine and I want things to freeze. I want to stay.

"You aren't leaving me," he says. "I'm already yours forever."

"Promise?" I ask, tears spilling down my cheeks and dropping over my collarbone where fresh scales pop painlessly through my skin.

Dad takes my face in both his hands and pushes away the streams of water.

"Promise," he says.

He kisses the top of my hair and then pulls me in for a tight hug and I can feel the rough fabric of his sweatshirt and I can feel his heart beat and I can feel him with me.

"I love you, Dell," he whispers, and I can feel him slip away all over again.

______

A/N

HI AGAIN LOL

i wrote this literally months ago