One Cup of You

Part 4

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This is a raw, unedited version of this book. You may see some grammar, spelling and continuity mistakes. One day, I might turn this into a paperback, but for now I just need to share my story !

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It took me a few moments to collect myself before I could say anything to Jamie. Crying embarrassed me, but more than anything I felt the thickness of shame all over my skin from standing there, frozen with fear while someone yelled at me and Jamie watched, ready to attack. I felt the weakness and futility washing over me all over again as Jamie and I silently trudged through the slushy sidewalk. The grey sky matched my mood perfectly, but contrasted the smatterings of Christmas decor throughout the downtown neighbourhoods.

Jamie didn't seem bothered or even register that the previous events were the most horrifying moments of my life. His face was hard to read. His brow and mouth seemed at rest, but there was something deep in his eyes that was telling of something more. I'd say he was pensive and troubled, but perhaps not by me at all. I read something years ago about body language and facial language, and nothing about the way he was acting made me feel uncomfortable, but I could tell there was something inside there he was unwilling to let out.

"Sorry about that," I finally breathed.

"For what?" he turned his whole body to look at me, bewildered. "You apologize a lot".

"No, not for the guy, for the way I reacted." I confessed "I don't do well with men yelling at me."

Briefly, before he said anything, I could see it register on his face that I was confessing something big, but doing it passively. His face was curious and empathetic, but he said nothing about it.

"Don't sweat it. It's not that weird." his eyebrows relaxed. "He threw a fucking table! I wanted to cry a little myself," he said, nudging my elbow with his.

"Yeah, that was fucked up. What a shitty way to start your new career as a barista. I promise that is not something that happens often." I said.

"I figured that insane coke-heads were not our usual customer base." He replied.

"Talk about timing," I said. "What did you come into the store for, anyway?"

"Oh!" he coughed. "Um, just to check on the schedule. Make sure you really hired me, and this wasn't just some sort of joke."

Puzzled, I stopped and turned to him, splashing some slush up the back of my legs. "Why would it be a joke?"

"Well, I don't know. I just can't believe someone would be that nice to me and let me have the job with no experience." Either he was blushing, or very sensitive to the cold on his cheeks.

"No, Jamie. I didn't hire you as a joke. Not at all. Like I said, this is many people's first jobs. You don't need experience, just training. You're friendly, that's the only qualifying experience I need."

"You're right. It's just something Amber said to me."

He kept his gaze far ahead of us, like he wasn't looking at anything at all, but focused instead on something deep in his mind.

Unsure of what to say next, I smiled but looked at my feet. If I knew anything about his ex girlfriend, it was that she was a lot less tolerant of bullshit. While I didn't know her very well, I'd seen her tell off a handsy spectator at her performance, and from a distance I could tell she did not fuck around. If it had been her behind that counter, she would've probably screamed right back at the guy or kicked his ass before Jamie even showed up. I felt the shame creep up again. I was so excited and captivated by this guy, but compared to his girlfriend, I was a damn newt. Clearly, I was not now nor would ever be his type.