One Cup of You

Part 16

Two months had gone by, and Jamie and I had managed to work together amicably. We stopped making out in the storage room, but all of our interactions were very surface and robotic. Whether we were fucking or avoiding each other, I couldn't escape the awkwardness. We had gone back and forth many times on whether to keep sleeping with each other or end things. Neither of us could make the call. Every time we were together was the last time.

But I was on a mission, my store was on its way to bigger and better things, and I would not let my heartache get in the way. If I had to pretend to be whole every minute of the day, I would. I could cry about it later.

"He was never going to ask you to be his girlfriend, you know," Piper said, stirring another spoonful of sugar into her already sweetened latte. "You need to get your mind off him." She had been making a habit of hanging out at Scores more often when Jamie wasn't around. I got the feeling she wasn't a fan.

"Shut up." I whispered at her. "No one here knows. I don't need anyone to know who the boss was fucking."

Piper rolled her eyes at me so hard I thought I could hear her pupils scraping the back of her skull.

"Relax, Stevie. I didn't say his name or anything. You should come with me to Dylan's party tonight and forget all about 'he-who-shall-not-be-named'."

I chuckled and whipped Piper with my rag.

"Yes, that sounds great, Pipes. I'll come get drunk with you and forget all about Lord Voldemort .One thing- who the hell is Dylan?."

She smiled at me, one eyebrow cocked playfully. Piper enjoyed getting her way and was not shy about her manipulation tactics; she'd say whatever she needed to, to get me to that party. "You'll see." She winked.

But she was right. Harry Potter references aside, Jamie was becoming the villain in my life, sucking all my joy and energy (like a dementor! Sorry, couldn't let that one go). I'd spent months allowing myself to believe he would want to start something real with me, that he just needed time to get over Amber. She just needed to get out of the way, and he and I could be happy together. How could I expect him to get over his long-term girlfriend so soon?

Only by that point, it had been several months. The holidays had come and gone, and I allowed myself some sympathy for him to get through the holidays without her. I thought it was fair to let him continue to mourn through Valentine's Day- grieving his ex over the romantic holiday seemed legitimate. Even through Easter- they were together six years after all. But now the snow was melting, and the buds were forming on the trees and he was still telling me he just wasn't ready to commit to anything serious.

And not that we weren't doing very serious things. Sex is one thing, but what Jamie and I did was on a whole other level of lovemaking. It takes a substantial amount of vulnerability to be that close to someone, that familiar with them. I knew every inch of his body, every move and touch that he wanted, and he mine. I knew what he liked to eat for breakfast, what his morning alarm sounded like, the smell of his body wash when he showered and filled up the whole apartment with steam, the feeling of his pillows against my cheek, or the sound of his breath in my ear.

His presence in my life took up a lot of mental bandwidth. Thoughts about him inhabited a good chunk of my life- forget my franchising endeavors.

When I took the time to peel back my adoration of him and my obsession, I found underneath it was a lot of anger and hurt. If the magic that we had together hadn't been enough to pull him away from Amber, I couldn't think of anything else that would be. And I needed my capacity back. I had to move on with my life.

I plopped myself into the chair across from Piper and pouted, with my head resting on the palms of my hands, elbows propped on the table. Katie glanced at me and I registered the flicker of realization. She flashed an "ok" gesture at me with her fingers. I breathed a sigh of relief- Katie was getting great at handling anything I threw at her, and it was nice to take a break and relax with Piper.

"You're right though," I groaned. "I don't want it to be over, but it's time for me to get this show on the road."

"Here, here!" she said and lifted her mug up to 'cheers.' "There is no sex in the world that is that good. Move on, baby cakes."

I rubbed my face, careful not to smudge my makeup. "I wish it was just sex," I groaned.

Piper smacked her knee and laughed. "Of course it is! You're not his girlfriend, Stevie! Has the man even taken you on a date?"

I felt my cheeks go hot.

"He's taken me out for breakfast a bunch of times," I mumbled.

"Oh, wow, breakfast! Does he buy you hash browns and let you get chocolate milk?" she was almost yelling now, and I eyed at her to keep it down. She looked at me over the rim of her mug and quieted her voice. "All I'm saying is that maybe to you it's more than sex. But he showed you, you are just meeting his primal needs until he either gets back together with Amber or gets over her."

"I don't think they're going to get back together..." I started.

Piper looked at with one eyebrow raised an air of cautiousness washed over her. She knew something, but she was chewing over in her mind whether to tell me.

"What. Why are you looking at me like that?" I demanded.

"What makes you so sure they're not going to get back together." She said, eyebrows still raised, looking into her mug.

I coughed, pounding my chest and trying to push back the fear that was bubbling up inside me.

"Because that's what he told me..." I nearly whispered it.

"Of course he told you that. Let me guess, he tells you when you're in bed together, right after you've had sex. But won't talk about it any other time"

I said nothing, but rubbed my temples. The choking sensation had gone from my chest and into my head; it felt like someone was squeezing it with a vise.

"Please. I miss you. I miss how fun you were. This guy is making you totally depressed." Piper pleaded.

I snapped my head up and looked at her incredulously, almost laughed.

"When was I ever fun?" I said.

Piper stood up and put both palms on the table.

"Always. You have always been fun and you have always been my best friend and now we're gonna forget this douche bag and have fun together. Got it ?"

I tugged on her shirt and covered my smile with the other hand. "Okay, alright, you've convinced me. Where is this fun going to be?"

She beamed at me and flicked her ponytail back over her shoulder before sitting back down and putting both her hands on top of mine. "I told you, baby! We're going to a party."