One Cup of You

Part 14

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This is a raw, unedited version of this book. You may see some grammar, spelling and continuity mistakes. One day, I might turn this into a paperback, but for now I just need to share my story !

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Piper was not always an insightful woman, but from time to time, she came up with a gem that stuck with me. I'd been with my high school boyfriend for three years by the time I decided I was ready to break up with him, and I was struggling with whether I should stick I out. Back then, I truly believed I was in love. It was Piper, of all people, who reminded me what love was supposed to feel like.

That summer she told me, "It's not supposed to be like this, babe." We lounged on the beach, sipping diet cokes and watching little kids play in the water. "Love is supposed to feel good. It's not supposed to feel like dread. It's not supposed to make you feel like crap. Haven't you read Paul's first letter to the Corinthians?"

I laughed and tossed a handful of sand at her, "Oh aren't you a good little catholic?"

Now, back in the dark under my covers, I remembered what she said. Love shouldn't feel like this, like the way it did with Jamie. I had convinced myself I was in love with him, allowed my infatuation for him to cloud my brain, and I gave too much of myself over to him. I pulled the cover up over my head and cringed at the memory of him taking a mysterious phone call, leaving me in his bed.

My phone lit up beside me and illuminated the little tent I had created for myself. I didn't want to deal with anyone, and wanted to deal with Jamie less than anyone. Powerless to my curiosity, I picked up the phone and saw a message from a number I didn't recognize.

(unknown) You need to back off. Jamie is hurting right now, and he is using you as a band-aid. You jumped in the picture way too soon. He is not your boyfriend and never will be.

I tossed my phone back onto the bed and jumped to my feet, pacing the room long enough to burn a hole through the carpet. I sat down on the floor crossed legged and pressed my palms into the carpet, letting the feeling of the wool on my skin ground me and keep me from going over the edge in a full-blown panic attack. Amber, I concluded, was the person I wanted to speak to the least, and would have happily traded that text for any of the other people I didn't want to talk to.

I braced my head in my hands, resting my elbows on my knees, and took a few deep breaths. My blood boiled hot with fury, and a bit of embarrassment. Jamie had been all over the place as far as how he felt about me, but he made it pretty damn clear he wasn't interested in Amber- until that ominous phone call last night. I tried to remind myself that it could have been anyone. I was not very convincing.

Obviously, he was still hurt, perhaps ruminating and sulking about her, but he told me it was over. Who the hell was she to come meddling in his affairs now.

I braced myself with every ounce of bogus confidence I could find in my soul and texted her back

(Stevie) Jamie is a grownup and can make his own decisions about who and what he wants. I don't need your permission.

My hands shook as I typed out my message. Who the hell was she to tell me to back off? She cheated on him, broke his heart, and turned him into a weak puddle of a man. As far as I was concerned, I should be the one telling her to back off. Jamie and I had something magical and if it wasn't for her fucking him up so badly, we might have an actual shot at being a couple. She had her chance, and she ruined it, and now she wanted to ruin it for me.

Immediately, she responded. This time, it was a screenshot of a message to her from Jamie.

(Jamie) I love you, and I will never stop loving you. I will love you for the rest of my life.

My blood froze in my veins. I had no way of knowing when he'd send it to her. He could've sent it a year ago, long before anything had happened. He could have sent it yesterday after I left his bed. Either way, this thing with Amber was not over, if only according to her.

I crumbled. A boulder settled into the pit of my belly, burning hot through my bowels and pulling down my insides into the earth. I didn't want to face this. I wanted to go back to enjoying our lovemaking, whispering about our dreams. I willed the universe to just shut it off, pack it up and tuck it into a dark and hidden corner so I wouldn't have to deal with it.

I didn't have answers, but I had a shift at work to get to. I rushed around my room, sweeping my hair into a messy bun and squeezed myself in to a pair of jeans so tight I had to lie on the bed to get them buttoned, tucking the letter from the county into my back pocket.

I walked into the work like I owned the place: I kept my head up high and strutted through the door as if everyone had been holding their breath till I arrived. No one was going to hurt me. Whether I could have Jamie, whether I could have him all to myself or if I'd have to wait until this garbage with Amber blew over, I still had a plan and a vision for my life. I was going to be successful and important. The youngest and richest business woman in this town. And the only way that was going to happen is if I kicked ass, worked a boatload, and kept my head down and legs closed. I didn't need Jamie. I didn't need his penis. I just needed to stick to the fucking plan.