Poems/Raps

Killing Blow (Gilderoy Lockhart Diss)

(A/N: I wrote this myself and yes it's a parody of Eminem's diss on Machine Gun Kelly, which is "KILLSHOT", but with a twist I have for it.

This was for my second Harry Potter Male Reader Insert fanfic called "The Chamber of Secrets" and in this fanfic, Y/N's Aunt Marie has been sexually assaulted by Gilderoy Lockhart while being an egomaniac when it came to his books.

Here's a bit of a backstory on Lockhart: he's a guy who's a fraud and takes all the credit of wizards and witches, puts them in books and claim he did all those things when the reality is that he isn't. He's an attention grabber basically and I have a couple references from the books/movies to make this Diss really interesting.

If any of you aren't Harry Potter fans, you don't have to read the Diss, I'll come up with something different later on.

Tell me what you think once you reach the end because this will probably be the best thing I've ever written.

Here we go, onto the Diss!)

"I love you Marie!"

Shut the fuck up!

You done lying? Alright, once I do this, I'm done.

Verse: Aunt Marie sent me a letter last week
Before leaving I gave her a kiss on her cheek
Wait, you talked about my aunt, I'm perplexed
You chase the attention and you lie the next

Damn, I'm really sorry that you wanted to get away with it
All of this fame won't stay with ya
When you go to Azkaban that's it
Have an autograph for you from Marie, she wrote it on a bag of shit!

Gil, Gil, listen I'm not mad but hell
How can you claim you did all those things while using hair gel?
At least I see better spell casting from Harry
And your books, they sound a little hairy
You said you had a shot, but you missed the target
You said you had a way to get with my aunt and you never got it

All your fans clapping for you since you told lies
At least kids tell the truth while you're turning senile you old guy
"Y/N, you're wrong!" Ow, Gil, ooh
But I'm 12 and I'm still out working you

At 11 I met my friends at the school Hogwarts
Before you came in a year and made it all worse
You got no experience in fighting against Fantastic Beasts
That's the only time you told the truth at least

Is that velvet, or leather
What the fuck are you wearing? Got better clothes yet sir?
Because I'm setting all your fucking clothes on fire
And that's what's gonna happen to you, you're fired

"I didn't get rid of the banshee by smiling at her"
Really? I bet she didn't see anything in you motherfucker
Believe it or not I read "Break With a Banshee"
But at the end of the story, I lost my virginity!

As much as I hate to say it I'm enjoying this
You trying to be Harry so bad you're fanboying him
This is funny, but it's so true
He'd rather be off-grid him than attention-grabbing you!

It's coming at an old age
Where you came to the school to dig your own grave
What a resting place for your career
And no one will know that it died here
I know what happened between you and my aunt
And I'm not gonna let you get away with it and
You better watch your ass once it's you and me
I'm gonna torture the hell out of you you'll see!

Had to wake up at the school for this?
Heard about some prick using my friend and aunt's name for attention
And not to mention
He's gonna ask for some cruel detention

Yeah bitch, drink Firewhiskey to this! It's your moment.
That's it, as big as you're gonna get, so enjoy it!
Hogwarts had to give you a job and for me to come in and destroy it

If I were a critic for your books, I'd give you a zero for the effort
Cause I know how shit these stories sound since you take all the credit
From all the wizards who been on these journeys and you'd never
So try being with them for a change cause you won't survive for a second

Exhausting, all these lies and these stories
Even the banshee story sounded horny
But when I read it it was nothing like I expected and it was falsely
Made fiction because as long as it was entertaining, but you ain't ballsy

Your white teeth, your fake leather
You dress good, we cast better
Li'l books, they're love letters
An arrogant prick thinks it's all about fame
And he doesn't know actual pain
Thanks for lying, now I have an excuse to write this bit
I don't care who believes who, but you're losing the fight you pick!

Who wants to go after my friends and family
And claim that I'm not the one being manly
About the times I've been helping my friends
And it won't ever end
Because this idiot's thinks he's brave
And he has balls to say
That he's been on dangerous adventures but Lockhart
You've shown that you're lacking the things that make a great storyteller: experience and heart
But the same day you published "Magical Me"
Was when I heard stories about you being a fraud, pedophile and you raped my aunt Marie

I can't believe you won't acknowledge the wizards who did those things so let's talk about it
I still hate the fact that you stole all the works and still have their cocks in your mouth before we could talk about it
I'm still sick of your hairstyle and your different outfits when you look in the mirror and you think you're Harry Potter
Don't mean you are and it's not about it
So leave my dick in your mouth and keep my friends and family out it

(A/N: So how was it? Let me know if you want to see more like this!)