Måneskin Oneshots

Torna a casa! - d.d

TW: self harm, depression, panic attack
Don't read if you find these things triggering or unbearable, go and talk to someone if you feel bad, I'm here for any of you if you ever need me <3
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You live with your boyfriend Damiano in the center of Rome, everything seems so perfect, but you were so tired, so tired of it all. You run away to give up with the pain even for a brief moment.

Y/n's POV

I was so tired. It felt like nothing makes sense anymore, like no one cares. Damiano was having a band practice at the center of Rome, and left me alone, watching out of the window to the park behind our apartment. I had struggled with my mental health for long, and suffered panic attacks, but I didn't want to talk to anyone, because who would care? They'll just suggest calming down and taking some pills. It always goes like this.

It was cloudy day, people were walking down in the streets. Nothing special. Tear rolled down my cheek and I leaned to the window as I sit next to it. I slowly got up, walking like I was in a dream to the kitchen. I reached out for a small knife and did small cut in my wrist, along with the old ones. I felt unbearable bad for it all. I keep hurting myself for all the feelings I have, and still it gets worse.
The knot tightens around my chest, making me want to scream in pain and anger. I lay the knife in my skin again, and lash it down, making blood drain to the floor. Suddenly I hear phone ringing in the bench I was sitting in. I slowly walk to it, knowing it's Damiano. I didn't feel like answering to him but I did.

"Hi, bella, I'm coming home now", he says when I pick up my phone. I can heard his car making noise behind him. Shit. He's on his way. And suddenly it makes my panic attack start. I should clean the mess, I should act like I've had a fun, lazy afternoon at home. I should...
"Y/n? Can you hear me? Are you there? Bella?" he asks worriedly. I need to get out. Now. This is the only thought in my mind. I ran to get paper and a pen to write fast note to him. Tears fall down my face. I somehow understand that Damiano can hear everything I do but I hear his voice somewhere far away. I keep phone on my hand even though I know he has ended the call. I took out the small paper I tore from somewhere and write with my shaky hand "I'm sorry"

I didn't know how I managed to do it all, but I did. I ran out from back door, I didn't even notice the knife was still on my hand, and my phone was left in the kitchen. I ran without seeing anything, not knowing where I was going.
I finally reached to the beach, small, beautiful beach. There was no one, I had spend time here with the band, it was our secret place. Everyone else wanted to spend time on popular and bigger beaches, what a shame actually, this place was a paradise. Now, however, I was happy that it was empty, I didn't want anyone to see me.
Those happy memories got me, and tears started to pour. How did everything end up this bad? I knew how much pain I was causing to my boyfriend as well. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve me. I drew on the sand with the knife I didn't notice I had. Blood warming my hand and dripping to the sand.

Damiano 's POV

I drove all way to home in desperate panic, not caring about speed limits. I rushed inside the house few minutes afterwards.
"Y/N?! Bambina are you here?" I screamed, my voice breaking. I rushed to the kitchen as my knees gave up and I slumped in the ground by the view I saw. I crawled closer and breathed shortly. There was blood in the floor, no sight of her. I reached for the paper on the table and took it in my shaky hands; 'I'm sorry', that's all the paper said.
"No.. bambina, no..." I whispered, my voice breaking down. I held the paper close to my heart until everything around me went blurry, one tear slipping down my cheek. Suddenly I woke from my trance and I get up so fast I had to grab the table to not fall again. There's still hope. She can't. She has to be alive. I have to find her. I need her.

I picked my phone with me, nothing more, and rushed out from the back door. I knew deep inside of me that she wouldn't go in the center of Rome like that. No one would. She must've run out to the nature behind our house. I got out and screamed in desperate. I wanted to run but had no way where to go. Panic raising in me as I just run out in the forest, losing all track on everything, I just needed to find her. I could've shout out for her but I had no voice left, and screaming wouldn't get me anywhere.

  I ran, thinking of places where she could be. Then it rushed my head. Beach. Her safe place. Our own place. I had to be. And if it wasn't, it'd be too late. I speed up and saw the deserted beach. I got in the edge of forest, looking at the terribly empty-looking beach. I jogged closer, if she wasn't there.. I'd never forgive myself. I couldn't live. But at the last minutes of desperation, I saw movement in the back of the beach in the middle of hays. And I ran again.

Y/n's Pov

  I cut a small wound in my arm again. Not knowing what made me do so. I didn't know what made me do anything of it. I held my head, shaking terribly. What the hell was wrong with me? I wanted to escape, but didn't want to be alone. I wanted to live happy life with my boyfriend but I kept hurting him like this. I wanted stability in my life, but I kept breaking everything apart.
  I wounded my arm more. Ringing in my ears grew and my eyes blurred. I wanted to scream but it felt like nothing could help me. A thought of my boyfriend crossed my mind. Was he already home? Was he after me? Was he scared for me? The thoughts pained me more, fighting between that was he panicking after me or being peacefully at work. I trembled so bad, my blood making a pool in front of me.
   I breathed lightly. Everything buzzing in my head. The ringing in my ears grow to the maximum and I could hardly hear anything. I just wanted to sleep, go somewhere where I couldn't think. Somewhere where wasn't anything that could hurt me, not even me.

Damiano's POV

I tripped in the soft sand, my sight locked in a person too far from myself. I felt myself numb, it was hard to walk. I wanted to reach her, but I was scared of what I'd see. Finally, after walking a way that could've been around the world, I reached up to that small circle of hays. I heard her whimpers and stumbled in my own feet.
  "Y/n.. no.." I whispered and dropped in to my knees right behind her. The ground under me swing. She didn't answer anything. She was shaking and sobbing in a pool of blood. I held my arms around her now, shaking terribly. I slowly fell on all fours. In despair of ruining it all. How didn't I notice this all? I shook as my breath got labored and my vision swim. Something heavy was tightening around my chest. I couldn't move. I was so sure this is how we both will die. Together, but I had never felt so alone. I felt like fainting. I couldn't even help her. The ground just swing and my hands and legs felt like giving up as there was no breath left in me.
   Then I felt arms around my body. Slowly picking me up to her lap. I tried to breath as I rise my head up to her. Her teary eyes looked back at me and I grabbed my arms around her, trying to fight my panic. She petted my hair. Finally I could calm myself as breathed in and out in peace. I got sitting next to her as she turned her look away, tears falling down her face.
  
   "Y/n.. torna a casa.." I whispered. I wrapped my arms around her and took the knife from the ground and threw it away. She was shaking by cries she held.
   "Bambina torna a casa con me" I whispered again and hugged her tightly. I raised my hand and wiped the tear away with my thumb. She still didn't look at me. I tore a piece from my thin undershirt and wrapped it around her open wound in her arm. And finally she turned to me.
  "Dami.. I'm so sorry.. I- you don't deserve this all... I don't know what's wrong with me..." she whispered shakily. I covered the blood in the ground with sand and took her hand.
   "No, y/n, I'm sorry. We'll get through this. We'll get help for you. I love you and I'll always do. It'll get better, I promise. Just come home with me" I said, tear slipping down my cheek.
  She raised her gaze once more and I hugged here even tighter, feeling her hands around me as well.
   We held each other for some time as I slowly got up and took her with me.
  "Andiamo a casa amore" I whispered. She nodded and leaned to me. I quietly pick the knife and put it in my pocket and helped her walk in the sand. We walked slowly away from the beach. I held her close and wiped her hair behind her ear.
  "We'll get through this, I promise."

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This took some time and tears to write but I think it was worth it. This is completely made with lyrics of Torna a Casa and I got the idea by it as I was walking home. Don't forget to vote and comment, I love you guys!
  ~ A