LOVE IS NOT OVER YET JIKOOK

Chapter 5: memoirs of sadness

It happened during summer.

That one summer he'll never forget; it was Jungkook's first time to fail. Honestly, with all the weight of his personal problems weighing on him, it was probably taking its toll on Jungkook making him miss a single point away from passing a certain subject. No matter how much Jungkook begged his subject teacher to do a make up project to aid his failing grade, his teacher disagreed saying he couldn't give such privilege and be fair to every student which although irritating, Jungkook thought it was reasonable. But he needed to pass, and this was it.

He was going to take a summer class for the subject. He sulked, probably instead of helping his halmeoni in selling her rice cakes down in the streets to lessen her work load this summer, he was stuck with school and the fact that this will add up to the expenses is already troubling him.

Suddenly the youth and vigor inside Jungkook lost when he entered his teacher's class, the failure brought him that downpour that left his feelings going down the drain; that one misstep in your hundred of steps forward making you lose all hope and give off the feeling of giving up. He was really competitive academically but he knows there are too many bright students within the school that makes it hard for him to shine but this- this step back was so unnerving, so frustrating and hopeless.

Though hesitantly, he still listened and took down his notes well. Sometimes he would just take down notes and not listen, putting more effort into his notes so he could study them at home because for him, it was his studying technique that he'll learn things by himself; that everything is at grasp when he looked them at his own point of view, at his own perspective because if he did look at things at his scope, he'll feel hopeful again. You know, if you try so hard to understand something from another person's point of view, you'll only end up deteriorating yourself because of the frustration that you'll never comprehend it through the other person's way, but at your own; there's no one to judge but you, no one to set the limitations and expectations but you, yourself.

He didn't want to fail again and more specifically, he doesn't want to spend any more time in school because halmeoni is getting older, her time is precious and that as early as Jungkook could, he wanted to start working. He wanted to earn money because he knew deep down halmeoni needed treatment, you know. Halmeoni needs to stop working herself and start resting and taking her proper medications.

But Jungkook could not do that if he fails again, nor if he stays still here.

He'll have to work harder.

It wasn't even on second week before he started feeling bored already, sometimes even finding his self - doodling and vandalizing the school's property such as the chair and the table-slash-armrest. It was his coping mechanism during this boring class, he didn't really wanted to vandalize the chair he just ended up doing so when his thinning notebook was enough to accommodate his future lessons so he ended up vandalizing the chair instead. Of course, he did it discreetly or else he might get called up in the guidance and end up even buying or paying the school for a new chair.

Yeogi buteora-

He started thinking about the lyrics of his favorite band, the band that was his reason to be frequent at the appliance or music store only to hear their songs. He didn't have any money to buy their album, nor does he have any money for fancy gadgets that could illegally download songs on the speed of a tap. So he was stuck with going to the stores and listen to their songs. He skipped to the chorus, his personal favorite because of the sudden upbeat and wildness that it emitted just right at the chorus - it made him forget that deep down with all of the shit that's happening in his life, he's sad. It made him forget he's sad.

WOW, Fantastic Baby!

He wrote in graphic letters, the very chorus that heightened his feels into the optimum level. It was funny really, how he was being crazy over a boy group that doesn't know any of his existence but whether this boy group doesn't even know his existence, he's certain that this boy group helped him more than the people he knew; this boy group made him feel the happiness no one ever could.