The Mirror

So this is what it feels like?

"Hey Carli, whats up I haven't seen you in weeks where have you been?" I look up from my music to see one of my closest friends Ilsa standing over me. Truth is I have been in the hospital, I made the fatal mistake, again might I add, of going with Doug for the weekend. To me I was in the hospital with a fractured arm, a messed up leg, and emotional damage. To everyone else, I was on vacation. "I went to Florida to visit some family." It wasn't a complete lie, I did go to visit family in florida.. 3 years ago though. Nobody has to know that though. She gave me a questioning look but dismissed it and started talking about our favorite band. One Direction. We were discussing Zayn when Mrs. Dow came in and told us to take our seats, she began explaining that we would have a new student not from america starting next month she wanted a volunteer for someone to show him around. No volunteers. I got it over with and raised my hand. "Great Carli you will show him around to all of his classes and make him feel welcome." Mrs. Dow said excitedly, she loves me by the way she is the one person that I am pretty sure knows about my weekly hospital visits (that I know of anyway) "I will, I promise." smiling i stick my headphones back in and start the choir reflection that was due last week.

        "OMG, Carli hahaha do you remember on friday at dinner when you told your Dad to 'join yogo so he could become flexible enough to suck his own dick because thats the only action he will ever get'?" Thats Ilsa.. the only person I can hear  as I sit down at the lunch table with every single person around us laughing as hard as they can. Nona (one of my friends) looks at me and while laughing says "hahahahaha did you really say that? hahahahaha"

I just nod and smile. I look around me and mostly all my (best)  friends are sitting with me, Ilsa, Nona, Kyle, John, Angel. Nona and Ilsa look up at the same place and I look two only to see Alan (my Ex) walking past our table with Alana (his friend, they're like brother sister) He looks at me and mouths the word whore, turning back around, deciding not to make a big deal out of it, at least to others. On the inside I'm crying.

Alan and I dated for almost 6 months, so about half a year. He broke up with me 3 or 4 weeks ago, he took my virginity. I gave everything to him, I still love him, but he doesn't love me, in fact I think he hates me and I have no idea why. Alan is a hick, he likes country music wears steel toe boots loves guns (owns like a million of them) he likes knives, loves trucks, and he stole my heart and never gave it back. I know what you're thinking 'why do you love someone that calls you names?' I ask myself that question. All the time. My answer is, I can't help it I really can't everyday someone new tells me to get over him and move on get a new boyfriend, I CAN'T. I really can't I devoted myself to him I gave myself to him, all of me. He was my first in every aspect and he just threw me away like yesterday's trash. How can he go from "I love you" to "Whore" in less than a week. All this shit is on my mind as lunch ends and we are walking to fourth period, me and Ilsa sprint up the stairs hollering and yelling sexual noises (yes we are that cool) we part ways at the door of Mrs.Chapman and I head to Madison.

"GET OUT OF MY CLASSROOM!" yelling Mrs. Madison kicks me out of the class and sends me to the office because apparently answering a phone call in the middle of class and then laughing as hard as you can during a lesson isn't appropriate, especially telling your teacher that she has more important problems to deal with than yell at me like figure out how she hasn't noticed she has mascara smudged on her face her lipstick is smeared and her hair is messed up. Like how was I supposed to know? I can't help it it just came out. Whatever, I have detention now. My biggest problem is how I am going to tell my mom and make sure Doug doesn't find out so I don't take another trip to 'florida.'

 "Hey Carli so you know the guy that you're gonna be showing around? well I guess he is supposed to be insanely hot, he is blonde with blue eyes and people are saying that he is from Ireland!" Ilsa informed me excitedly, I smiled weakly and nodded of course I had heard that as well how couldn't I it's all anyone is talking about. I couldn't care less to be honest. "Yeah I heard, but we are gonna be late for class come on let's get this day over with." I'm so done with today my level of calmness and 'happiness is at an all time low right now I'm frustrated confused and it would be nice if I could just go home take a shower and relieve the stress with a few red lines on my wrist. It's gonna be hell to cover up in the summer time but whatever it's worth it.

"CARLI PHONES FOR YOU" Ben hollers at me from upstairs I roll my eyes and answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey darling how are you?"

"Doug what do you want"

"You don't have to be rude"

"No I'm just cutting to the chase. What the hell do you want?"

"I want you to come outside right now."

"Why"

"Because I goddamn said so" [hangs up]

I walk to the window and see him outside leaning on his car I take a key and unlock the door heading outside and re-locking the house.

"Took you long enough" he said shooting daggers at me with his arms crossed.

"Sorry to keep you waiting your royal heighness" I say back curtsying, he rushes towards me and yanks my hair.

"If you ever sass me again you little bitch I swear to god your hair won't be the only thing I rip off of you." He yells at me nostrils flared eyes wide and narrowed. "You need to leave." I say weakly He barks back "this isn't the end of this" he stormed back to his car slammed the door and sped off leaving the smell of burning rubber, clumps of hair on the ground, and a broken fragile girl in his wake.