Let Me Hold You

3- First Night

Riftan cautiously opened the door and stepped in. Maximillian sat quietly on the bed dressed in a thin low cut linen gown. The fireplace and candles bathed the room in a dim soft flickering light, and despite that he saw how pale she looked. Her hair had been taken down from the earlier style and the curls cascaded down to her waist. 

He saw a glass of wine that was left out and grabbed it and took a sip. He concentrated on the wine in the glass instead of looking at Maximillian's face— he didn't want to see the fear plastered across her features. He began to take his top off. 

"Take off your clothes."

Maximillian blinked at him, confused. 

"Fuck... I mean..." 

Riftan stuttered. He carefully walked over to the bed and Maximillian flinched as he approached her. His eyes scanned over her slim neck, to her half exposed breasts and down to the outline of her legs that were barely concealed by the thin material of her gown. He slowed his steps down and sat near her. All his life he had blurted things out when he was frustrated. Riftan was known for being a man of few words, but he was often blunt and was worried that he would scare his bride if he didn't control his mouth for once. 

"What were you told... about tonight?"

Maximillian's lips trembled and her eyes looked silver in the glow of the candles. Riftan wanted to hug her. He wanted to run away with her, somewhere where the Duke couldn't just show up. But he thought of his stepfather in the dungeon. 

"I-I have to d-do whatever y-you want me t-to do." 

What do nobles know about this? 

As far as Riftan knew, nobles were different from lower born people like himself. Noble married couples were often cold to each other in court and at banquets while the mercenaries and knights he spent most of his time with were often too affectionate in public in the inns and taverns that they visited. For years, he tried to get random naked women away from him and wondered if nobles were as stiff in bed as they were in their daily lives. 

"We have to do our duty... to consummate this or the marriage will be invalid." 

Riftan clumsily explained, he felt his groin stiffen as he imagined touching her body and feeling her hands touch him. Maximillian looked even more confused. He noticed that her eyes were welling up, the poor girl was on the brink of tears. Riftan held his hand out, he was embarrassed to see how badly it was shaking, waiting for her to put her hand in his. Maximillian flinched and then slowly put her small hand onto Riftan's palm. 

"You looked beautiful today... you looked like an angel." 

Her eyes widened. He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, carefully memorizing the texture of her skin like he had memorized the many shades of red and brown in her hair and the depths of her eyes. He wanted to kiss her again but didn't know how to initiate that. 

"Th-thank you." 

She whispered. Riftan looked down at her hand, avoiding her eyes as his thumb traced the blue green veins that barely peaked against the surface of her skin. Her hands were sweating a little bit, just like his were and he felt guilty for making her feel so afraid. He didn't know if his head was swimming from the bottles of wine he downed or the perfume she was wearing while sitting near him. 

Riftan tried to explain what consummate meant. He heard himself talking in circles, unable to really understand  himself. He carefully repeated again, gentler this time, that they had to do this and that she had to take her clothes off. 

"Wh-why, the clo-clothes..."

Maximillian looked a little more relaxed, but still confused.  Riftan finally looked down at the gown now that he was sitting next to her. The gentle slope of her waist stood out against the belt that held the dress together. Her eyes glanced nervously at his naked torso. Riftan felt like the path of her gaze was setting his skin on fire. He let go of her hand and turned to face her. 

"Should I be the one to take it off?"

Riftan heard his voice crack. Maybe she was told that he would take it off or maybe it was easier if they undressed themselves? He didn't know. Maximillian shakily took the accessories off and placed them on the bedside table. She slowly loosened the belt and the straps of the dress revealing more of her breasts out in the open. The dress fell down to her waist and Maximillian covered her chest with her hands, her cheeks flushed red. Riftan reached out his hand to carefully guide Maximillian to look at him as he leaned over and kissed her. 

Is this what it's supposed to feel like, Riftan thought. His hands trailed over her jawline and down to caress her soft shoulders. Heat coiled in his stomach and amplified the wanting that he felt aching in his bone whenever had had caught a glimpse of Maximillian from afar. The mercenaries and the knights he travelled with and camped out with talked about the lust and the curve of a woman's breasts. About the release. But never the slow building smoldering want that was worst than being thirsty after a long day's march. 

Riftan carefully pressed his lips on her eyelids, the tip of her nose, her chin, her neck and her shoulders. Maximillian shook like a small bird the wanting was joined by his guilt over how badly he lusted for her even as his stepfather probably lay broken and bruised in a dungeon. 

"Can I... can I just... let me hold you for a minute."