Deathnote Oneshots

Matsuda/L- Desperation - Part two🤍💚❤️‍🩹

Matsuda anxiously scanned the convenience store isles for something to cheer you up. He couldn't believe none of the other Taskforce members noticed you on the terrace, he couldn't believe L didn't notice.

He grabbed two pints of ice-cream and passed the stuffed-animals isle when he saw a giant teddy bear. In his few years of knowing you, you had mentioned you loved bears. And proof was that your desk at the police department used to be littered with the tiny creatures.
So of course he got it, paid and drove to your apartment. You'd never had him over but he knew your address from case files.

Upon arrival, he heard silence inside, he waited a beat or two and a thud resounded from inside the house. He stood at the doorstep, internally preparing himself before knocking.

Y/n opened the door slightly, looking beautiful as ever even with her cheeks stained pink and black, her eyes bloodshot and her white work shirt dyed wine red.

"Hi Y/n, may I come in?"
She nodded and opened the door wider from him, kicking a picture frame out of the way and waved her arms formally, introducing him to what once probably looked like a home. But now it was a shell of a house, memories torn from the wallpaper and shards of glass adorning the floor. Matsuda carefully stepped over the glass and looked around inside.

"Sorry about the mess. You probably think I'm crazy for freaking out like this over a boy."

Matsuda turned to see Y/n picking up a wine glass from the kitchen counter, nursing it in her hand then sighing and downing it.

"I don't think you're crazy, Y/n. I think you're struggling and stressed and L doesn't help."

She looked up at him with her beautifully hurt eyes and Matsuda's heart swooned in his chest when she laughed humorlessly.

"I think maybe L makes me worse. I think maybe this case makes me worse. And I think maybe I'm just so exhausted from not being able to get better."

Matsuda nodded and came around the kitchen counter, setting down the ice-creams and the bear. He extended his arms, not really expecting Y/n to accept the offer. Pleasantly surprised when she dove into his chest and clung to him, Matsuda rubbed her back softly.

"I'm just so sick of being me. Why can't I be good enough? Why can't I be happy too?"
Y/n's muffled voice came from the space between them. Matsuda didn't know what to say, they weren't that close despite being the closest in age on the task-force, but he knew she needed someone right now. And he knew how she felt.

Patiently, he guided her body over to the couch, carefully avoiding the broken things.
"You are good enough, Y/n. L may be the smartest detective alive but he's oblivious to how perfect you are and how much you try."

She nodded and pulled away from his chest, laughing slightly, "It's funny, you know? I have to deal with my mental stuff my whole life and I pick a job that takes the biggest tole on my mental health so I can help others. It's funny that even though I picked this job, L gives me others because I'm not even smart enough to do this one."

Matsuda empathized, he knew how it felt to not be good enough.
But he was angry, Y/n was smarter than all the other detectives, and way smarter than him,"Well, he's not even smart enough to catch Kira so I don't know why he's talking."

Matsuda didn't know where that came from and was shocked that he said it out loud but
Y/n burst out laughing.

"Matsuda! You're horrible... I love it!"
Matsuda began to laugh too, wheezing and holding his chest.

After calming down the pair realized how comfortable they were with eachother. Matsuda looked around at the house and back at Y/n, "Can I clean this up? I worry about you tripping on this mess."

Y/n nodded and smiled, grateful, "Sure, the brooms in the closet by the fridge. Want me to start a movie?"

After Matsuda had cleaned up, he collapsed on the couch beside Y/n and handed her one of the ice-creams, snuggling up a little under the shared blanket to watch Willy's Wonderland.

...

Taskforce Pov:

"I don't know why you lied, L. It's kind of obvious."

L raised his eyebrows and turned to Light and Misa with a questioning look.
"What are you talking about, Light?"

Misa rolled her eyes and spoke, "It's obvious you like Y/n, Ryuzaki. At least to me. You may think by being cruel to her-"
She put a hand in front of L's face to prevent him from interrupting "-you know you are, don't argue, you may think it covers your feelings, but I can tell you like her. You've got this look in your eye whenever she accidentally touches you or gives you more than you asked for. So why the hell did you lie?"

L sighed and set down his fork, avoiding eye contact, "I-I think I'm afraid she'll distract me. I haven't really ever felt this way about someone before and it's startling. I'd rather pretend I don't care about her than admit my feelings because it's easier. I'm pretty sure I broke her heart today, but we need to catch Kira and I don't need distractions or love interfering."

"Broke her heart, what do you mean?" Light asked curiously.

"She heard everything I said. I kind of thought pushing her away for good would help me get over her so I said what I knew would hurt her the most."

Misa was about to rip this man's head off, and Light looked almost equally enraged.

"You did what?!?" Misa practically screamed.

L groaned, "I know, I know, it was stupi-"

"It wasn't just stupid, L, it was downright disgusting. If you really cared about her, you'd let her down easy and tell her in a softer way in private, not rip her heart out and dangle it in front of the Taskforce!"
L's eyes widened, Light hadn't had an outburst like this since his rant about not being Kira last week. He turned to see the both of them looking pissed at him, glaring him down in his seat.

Light wasn't even that close to Y/n but they had always been civil and nice to each other, decently kind enough to be friends and if he was that mad, L knew he really fucked up.

"You need to apologize, L." Light said.

L nodded, and swallowed the lump of guilt in his throat.
"I know, I will."

Looking up at the screens, Misa noticed something, "Hey, where's Matsuda?"

...